Heartbeats
by nakuney
Summary: A heartbeat is more then just what keeps a person alive. It is a signature of the person, it measures heart and soul. A heartbeat can tell you a lot about a person. Join the Dragonborn on her journey through Skyrim and beyond. I was not sure if I should post it, for various reasons, but I'll let you decide
1. Heartbeats

I returned home to find my wife Lydia packing. "You're leaving me! Please don't go. I'll do whatever you need. Anything. Just please don't leave me." I bawled. She wraps her arms around me. "Not like that. I am leaving. But I'm leaving Whiterun, not you. Delphine offered me a position with the Blades. You are my Thane, my love and my wife. And that will never change." she says.

She cups my cheek. "You are dovahkiin, the last Dragonborn. You must defeat Alduin. And perhaps joining the Blades can help you in that goal. I always dreamed I could join them if they still existed. Thanks to you my Thane, they have returned." She tells me.

I want her to be happy, my lovely Lydia, how I will miss her terribly. I do when I'm away, and I never feel such joy as I do coming home to her. She was the first to look past my title of Dragonborn. The fact that I was a Breton, I learned a couple of things since coming to Skyrim. Unless you are a Nord they don't trust easily.

I stand on my toes and kiss her. She leans forward and down so I can be on my flat feet again. I choke back tears. "I don't want you to go…but I understand. I'll miss coming home to you." I nuzzle her neck. "Oh, my love. You can still come home to me. It will just have to be at Sky Haven Temple. I did ask Delphine if I could stay here at our home and still be in the Blades." She strokes my hair.

"She told me, that once Alduin is defeated and I'm trained in their ways, I could return. So it's mostly temporary. But she didn't give me a definite time." She says. I kiss her neck and take her hands.

"I promise you then my love, when Alduin is nothing but ashes, I will retire and stay at Breezehome. And when your training is complete we will go and adopt a couple of kids. And even if your duties take you other places, know that I will always be home and waiting for you to come home to us." I see tears in her eyes.

"I would really love that. But for now, let's go to bed." She said. "But I'm not tired yet." I said. "You will be." She says cockily and sweeps me into her arms bridal style and carries me to the bed.

Her touch is gentle, loving and soft. I can feel her every emotion in every touch. Her kiss filled with love and desire for only me. Her hands and fingers speak of passion and desire, in the absolute need to fill me, tease me, play with me until I become undone.

Her body is protective as we ride each other's thighs. Her heart, mind, and body cherishes me as we finally exhausted from our love making fall asleep in each other's arms.

I wake up in a couple of hours, I feel cold, lonely, and like I'm already missing a part of me. I look to the space next to me in bed. My heart aches with love for this woman. I stroke her face and slide a lock of her hair over her ear.

"I love you so much Lydia. I hope you know how much and I show you that every time we see each other." I whispered to her she takes my hand and turns me so that my back is to her chest.

She snuggles closer and kisses my lips at an awkward angle, but I still love it. "I do. Rhea, I know it, and I feel it. Even when you are away and all I have are your letters. I feel your love for me in the words you write and speak. I hope you know, that I love you just as much." She says. "Always my love." I tell her. We snuggle back into the covers and I feel her heartbeat against my back. Strong, sturdy, slow and for me. As my heartbeats for her.

I get up earlier then Lydia for once. I gently kiss her cheek and find some clothes to wear. I had planned on staying home with Lydia for at least a week, but I guess the plans have changed as usual. I pack my own bags and make breakfast for us, something else Lydia did.

I would miss her home cooked meals. No one cooked like her. Again I hold back my tears. "Rhea?" she asks. "Down here love." She comes down with just her sheer robe, I feel cold. Damn her Nord blood. "You made breakfast? You hate cooking." She says. "No I don't, I just love your cooking better. Breakfast is almost done, if you want to go change." I said.

"No. I'm fine. Comfortable actually. You must be really cold." She says as she enfolds me in her arms. "Getting warmer. Lydia…" I strangle out feeling aroused. I could feel her every curve beneath that sheer robe, see it too. "Breakfast first love, the we enjoy another meal entirely." She says.

It had been four months to the day that Lydia and I had arrived at Sky Haven Temple. We had managed to be able to see each other once a month, for a couple of days. Most of that spent in her bed.

It was a bit earlier than usual. It had only been two and half weeks since we last saw each other, but I was worried. Usually Esbern and Delphine would send letters with Lydia's. But this time I had only received a letter from Esbern. What worried me about this letter, well, more like a message was the content. "Return to the temple at once. We have news." It said.

I had a foolish notion, that perhaps they had found something to use against Alduin. In my heart though I knew, I would not like this news. It became upper most in my mind, when Lydia was not there to greet me. "Where is she? Where's my wife Esbern?" I asked. He was silent and just led me to another room.

There was my Lydia, on a table wearing her Blades armor. She was pale, lifeless. I ran to her hoping it wasn't true. My heart broke. She was gone. My Lydia, my wife, my love. I fell to my knees and wept, my sobs loud. I'm sure it could be heard all through the temple. I stilled long enough and breathed in. I stood. "What happened?" I demand barely controlling my thu'um.

"I sent her out to contain a pack if werewolves. I went with her. We were doing great until vampires appeared out of nowhere as soon as the sunset. Then another pack of werewolves came and were fighting with us." Delphine says.

She fusses with her armor.

"I was surrounded, she was trying to get to me to help. The master Vampire appeared and grabbed her. He sunk his teeth in her, and drained her dry, then broke her neck. A werewolf killed the master Vampire and I almost lashed out at it as it went to sniff her body. I don't know why. Then it just sat there in front of her. Warning off the other werewolves, from trying to eat her." she shares.

I can picture it. "Once all the opposition was down it allowed me to put Lydia on its back and carried her here. Then it nodded at us nudged Lydia and left." Delphine said. I nodded and stiffly walked out into the open and let my thu'um vent my rage and pain. The temple shook a bit. Then I fell to my knees again pouring my salty tears onto the snow covered ground.

I heard a mournful howl in the distance. I called out to it.

A lone werewolf entered my line of sight. "Come. I'll not hurt you." I said gentle but firm. It approached slowly. I made no move, it lay on the ground close to my feet and nudged my hand. I scratched its ears. It looked around and nudged my jacket, I removed it and put it on top of the wolf shivering slightly.

Then I heard some popping sounds and it turned into a friend of mine and Lydia's. "Hello Aela." She sat next to me wrapped in my coat. "I can't stay long. Skjor is being suspicious of my comings and goings. If they knew, that you have known the Companions were werewolves, they would kill you." She says.

She scoots closer sharing het warmth. "I've lost one good friend. I will not lose another. I am sorry about your mate. Lydia has been my friend since we were girls. I came to offer my shoulder to you for a time. And to warn you. Delphine, I do not trust her. Something is off about her. I'm not sure of what though. All I do know is that she knew where the master vampire was. She followed him, but couldn't actually see him." She said.

"Why would she not warn Lydia then?" I asked. She puts her arm around me. "I do not know Rhea. Have you done anything she didn't want you too?" I think a moment. "She had a bunch of things she wanted me to do. I told her I would get to them when I could. Mostly searching for old Blades relics." I said to Aela.

Shrugging i lean closer to her warmth. "I told her I needed to focus on the dragons, Alduin and finding a way to get this blasted civil war to stop, so we can all fight the dragons. She seemed to accept it. But that was two months ago." I said.

"Why would she make a move now? I've been doing what she needs in regards to Alduin. I just didn't think relics were all that important right now." I said. "I do not know either. We will watch her. During the fight Lydia had dropped something very important and the vampire tossed something of hers when he grabbed her. I picked them up. As soon as I could." She takes the pouch off her neck, which gives me a glimpse of her toned body.

I open the pouch and emptied it in my hand. "Her wedding ring, how did it come off?" I asked that thing was stuck on her. "She removed her gauntlet. A vampire threw some kind of acid on it. Her other hand was still protected enough for her to remove the one then quickly take the other. Then she stabbed a werewolf, not my brethren and the blood loosened it. It came off in her next attack."

I smiled at the other item. "Amulet of Mara. I was so nervous when I wore it on the day I proposed to her. I gave it to her after we married." I turned it over. "R and L. Our initials. I engraved them myself. My first time doing it to. I told her I had done that months ago, shortly after she became my housecarl." I shared with Aela.

A breeze passes and Aela tenses. "Skjor. He is looking for me. I need to change again." I hear the popping again and she is in her wolf form. She lays at my feet, which is where the other wolf finds her. I assume it's Skjor.

He growls at me like I am after his mate. I knew about this issue too. He rushes her. I stand in front of Aela, not that she needs me too, but she seemed tired and weaker after turning back. I use one if my thu'ums in its weakest capacity and he goes flying a few feet up and away. He doesn't rush again he just sits there in what looks like a skulking posture.

The next night Aela is there in her human form Skjor not far from her and the rest of the Companions stand in silence. Neither Lydia or I had joined the Companions, but we were on friendly terms with them. And they respected both of us Lydia more so because she was a 'true Nord'. As they would say.

The respect they had for me originally was just that I was Dragonborn. As time passed their respect became more of my skill in battle and the deeds I had done for them. I was part of the Companions, but not actually a member. I smiled at what Lydia called us. "We're the mercenaries for the mercenaries."

After the eulogy, I put my wife's wedding ring and amulet of Mara back on her. Kissed her forehead and with another dragon shout, set her pyre ablaze. Aela and the others went ahead back to Whiterun. Skjor stayed and beckoned me to speak to him for a moment.

"I am sorry about Lydia. She was a good woman. I was poisoned once by a wolf trap I didn't see when I was going for a walk to clear my head after the tenth time Aela turned me down. Lydia went out of her way and carried me to the Temple and got the antidote for me. I was so weak afterwards, I could barely move. She nursed me back to where I could at least barely walk and secretly helped me walk back to Jorrvaskr. She knew I didn't want to seem weak to the others." He said he took my arm in the warriors greeting of respect. "Thank you Skjor. Skyrim is lesser for her loss." He nods at me and joins the other.

I didn't stay at Sky Haven for long. I couldn't. I took her ashes with me to High Hrothgar and the highest peak if the mountain, The Throat of the World. The great dragon at the top, Paarthurnax had become the only dragon, to not attack me on sight, and soon enough became a friend and ally.

"I heard you Thu'um all the way up here, and felt your loss. Although I didn't shout overly loud I answered yours with the same mourning. I built her a resting place." I followed him to a secluded and well-hidden mausoleum.

I carried her ashes and a lot if the items she cherished, that she had smartly not brought with her considering anything else she brought was confiscated by Delphine, to be redistributed among the other Blades. I knew she valued them but not cherished them. In a sarcophagus that was just two slabs of marble, I looked at it.

"It should look like her." I said out loud. "It can the brothers have the tools and know how. I'm sure they would do it for you." He suggests. I shake my head. "No matter how talented they are; they could never do her justice. I should do it, but under their supervision." I said. He nods. "I will carry it down most of the way for you and have them meet you." He says.

I work on it for months, relenting to let them help, with the condition that they only work on designs and not her likeness. They get the bottom portion of it and begin decorating to my specifics. Once nearly done with Paarthurnax's help I finish it in her mausoleum.

"It is well done. Rhea, she is as beautiful now as she was in life. What do you plan to do now?" He asks. "Finish what I started. Alduin will fall and this war will end, and when those are done, I will help who I can until my death, then I will join my Lydia to rest. And I want to be put at rest up here, my ashes and hers in the same mausoleum." I tell him firmly as I place her ashes where here head should be.

I lay out her wedding dress. "She loved this dress, she had been secretly making it since I became her Thane." I explained. "She was a warrior wasn't she? Should she not be lay to rest with her armor as well?" He asks. "True she was a warrior, but this is what she cherished, when she could be at home and truly let her feminine side show. She donated all of her old armor to the Blades when she joined them." I said.

Laying out her favorite shoes. "Do you wish you had not let her join?" He asked. I chuckled. "Sorry, but once Lydia decided on something she never let it go. But if it had been my choice, yes Paarthurnax I do. But in all honesty, I loved her too much to deny her anything she desired. So either way she would have been there. Mostly I wish I would have stayed with her. Then, maybe just maybe she would be alive still." I told him

"You would take blame, where there is none. You are strange Dovahkiin." He answers. I place the axe of Whiterun over her wedding dress. "Strange indeed." He murmurs. "Well she was a warrior, and this axe began it all. When I was made Thane, and she was assigned to me Jarl Balgruuf gave it to me. She cherished this as much as I did." I answer him. He looks at me his great head laying just inside the entrance.

"Paarthurnax, can I ask you an extremely large favor.?" I ask. He nods. "Well, you see I still have the bones of the first dragon Lydia and I fought, can you help me turn them into something new?" I ask. "I will make them into a sword and shield for her." he takes the bones from me.

I get to melting down ebony, to make a way for me to seal her sarcophagus. He returns hours later and I am painting the lid. "Rhea?" He says I grab the sword and shield from him. "Thank you Paarthurnax. I didn't like having to ask you to defile on of your brethren's remains. I just haven't learned that skill yet." I said.

I jump a little when I feel his great head and snout nuzzle me. "Rhea, I can feel your pain, why do you do this? Put yourself through the pain if her loss over and over again, while you lay her to rest?" I turn to him and pat his jaws and lay my head on his nose.

"Because I don't know how to do anything else…" I start to cry. "She was the first and only person I had fallen in love with. I listen to my heartbeat and all I hear is hers, I can feel hers. I remember the touch of her lips, the taste of her skin, and I hear her voice as clear as if she were still with me. I am focusing so much on her resting place, because if I don't… I'm not sure if I can breathe." My tears fall more.

"She was my everything. She was the promise of home and life. I get so tired of, Dragon born this, dovahkiin that. Do this for us, fight that. Bleed for us. The only thing that kept me going, sane, and helping was knowing that I was coming home to her. And…now. I just don't know. Why should I fight?" I sob and collapse to the floor.

He curls his long neck around me. "Fight for her still. Fight for the love you two once shared. Fight for those who cannot fight themselves. Fight for the children and other lovers, so that they may not know your same loss. But most importantly, fight because you know Lydia would want you to." He said.

"How?" I ask. He nudges my ribs and I lift my arms his head lays on my lap. "One second at a time, then one minute, one hour, one day, one month, one year at a time." He says. I continue to cry as my head lays on him, until I fall asleep.

It takes me another month to completely finish her mausoleum and laying her to rest and little by little it hurts a little less. "Ok Paarthurnax, seal it up." I said. "You are feeling lighter, even by a little, it's a lot." He says. He uses a controlled breath of ice to gently freeze to perfection the melted ebony, into a strong seal.

The only entrance now is an underground path from behind the word wall and a long tunnel, which was guarded by not only natural barriers to get up here, but a very large, and very powerful dragon guarding it. "Where will you go now?" he asks.

"Falkreath, and then Whiterun. I need to face Breezehome at some point. Falkreath, because the Greybeards think there is a word of power at a tomb nearby and to see my surrogate mother. I'll need everything I can to beat Alduin, and I will need her to give me the strength to move." I reply.

"I wish you luck then. I will be here whenever you have need of me." He says. I nuzzle his nose. "Thank you my dear friend for everything." I kiss his nose and as I walk past my wife Lydia's resting place I bow my head and send a prayer and the love I still bore for her, to her.


	2. The Companions

Falkreath was as dark and every bit depressing place, as ever, but Rayya was here and it suited me for now. I found the word of power, and was going to head to Whiterun, but I really wasn't ready yet. So, I stayed, and in staying found myself declared Thane and buying a property, and having a new housecarl. I was pleasantly surprised that it was Rayya.

I never knew this woman who took me in was so amazing in the field more so than at home type things. As much as I didn't want to, I had no choice but say she was an even better fighter than my Lydia. But Rayya was older and more experienced. I chuckled a bit because in the months we were apart she was still hopeless when it came to domestic things.

Even her food was the same she couldn't cook anything that wasn't too spicy very well. Terrible at interior decorating, but she was damn good at building things, quick too. I grew to love her as a mother when she took me in and as well as a friend. Her desires were much the same. I was her Thane, her friend, and her daughter. And we were both happy with that.

I shared with her about Lydia and her joining the blades and how it led to her death. When she had inquired to where my wife was. I remember she had told me her wife too was killed, but by bandits. She had chased them to Solitude from her home and once she got to Skyrim and killed the whole bandit gang, she knew there would be no going back home. So, she came to Falkreath, and that was where we had met. Where she became my surrogate mother.

Rayya and I were huddled into a small room next to a fire as the cold wind and rain pelted the house. "I thought I heard something." Rayya says and goes to check. "Rhea, you may want to come here there is a very naked woman at our door." I rush to her. I thought I heard howls earlier.

"Njada Stonearm. Quickly bring her in and set her by the fire. I'll need my herbs. Quickly Rayya. She will die without it." Rayya rushes away even as I use my healing magic on her. Healing spells and herbs and I just barely manage to save her life. "She will live. She will be hungry when she wakes. Please make that deer stew you made a few months ago." I said.

"You told me it was too spicy." She pouts. "Rayya, she loves spicy foods and it is heavy enough to fill her, but light enough to not make herself sick by overdoing it. Please Rayya." I plead. "As you wish my child." She says and begins working on it.

I focus on making sure there is no more silver in her wounds. I didn't go through all that work, just to let her die from silver poisoning. _"Werewolves. Incredibly strong, but for that one weakness. I hope Aela is alright."_ I wonder.

By the time Njada wakes up the storm has passed and the stew was ready. She sniffed the air and I literally saw her salivating. "Warning. It's spicy and the deer is cooked through. Head straight through that door Rayya will get you set up with a very large bowl and a loaf of bread. Tell me later. Just tell me is Aela alright, and do I need to rush off?" I ask as we walk through the door. "Yes, on the first one. Not sure on the second but it couldn't hurt." She says.

"Rayya. I need to leave immediately while the day is early. I need you to stay here with Njada until she has completely healed then meet me in Whiterun at Breezehome." I tell her. "Rhea, you know I don't like you traveling alone." Her eyes find her way to Njada, and is fascinated by Njada inhaling the stew. I clasp Rayya on the shoulder as her face is turning red by the noises Njada is making.

"Told you she liked spicy food. She should be well enough to travel in three days. I'll be fine." I tell her. "Very well my little one. Be safe." I nod at her and kiss her cheek. Njada was sitting for a bit. The empty pot of stew next to her. Only an hour had passed when I returned to the kitchen area. "The whole pot Rhea. The whole pot." Rayya says in disbelief. I kiss her cheek and kiss Njada's head. "Behave little pup. This is my home. No eating people." She looked shocked.

"I cleaned your wounds, silver only hurts werewolves that much. Three days Njada not a day sooner and another two days before shifting. Be nice to Rayya and treat her well. The only person you can eat is Rayya and I mean the pleasant variety of eating. You were staring at her with a very…umm…hungry expression. I'll see you in Whiterun." I tease her.

I squeeze her shoulder, my pack ready, armor and weapons set, and I sigh. _"Ready or not Breezehome, here I come."_ I thought. Dawn's ray of lights temporarily blinded me. And I decided we needed more sconces at home. I headed to one of our three horses and mounted it and with sun on my back headed to Whiterun and face my past. And probably a very irate Jarl.

I was pleased I made it there in a day and half. It is easier to move when no dragons attacked you. Also, a bit unnerving, because one had at attacked my home in Falkreath about 2 weeks ago. And I was in the bloody basement and forge. I always thought that on open ground and near word walls they could sense me, but to be able to sense me beneath earth and stone. Especially lately, most places I go there was a dragon.

It almost made me happy Lydia wasn't with us anymore. The more shouts I gathered and learned the more dragons attacked me. No one ever says how being a dragon born can be a double-edged sword. I had decided to immediately go to Jorrvaskr and speak to the Harbinger. I always liked Kodlak Whitemane, he was fair minded and open hearted and gods he could fight like no one I ever met. Except maybe Rayya.

Aela was the first I saw. I wanted to run to her and embrace her, but the look told me not right now. I nod. "I am here to speak with Kodlak Whitemane. I come here on behalf of Njada Stonearm. She is currently a guest at Lakeview Manor my home in Falkreath while she recovers from her injuries. My friend and housecarl Rayya is with her. They should be leaving in a day and a half. I ask that when they do arrive you treat Rayya with respect and hospitality." I said loudly.

They all agreed and Vilkas was the one to take me to Kodlak. His brother Farkas and him were among the ones I liked to spar with the most. Aela and I had never sparred, she always declined. I still wondered why. Maybe I would ask her this time.

I met with Kodlak and respectively bowed and clasped our arms together. "Please Rhea, tell me how Njada was?" I sit down he hands me some mead. I took a sip. "I almost lost her three times, before I could get all the silver out. Silver is poisonous to your kind. I read Kodlak. I read a lot, and anything I can get my hands on. If there are some hunting your people like that, she should not have been traveling alone." I said not really being careful of my tone never had to before, as long as I wasn't down right disrespectful.

"We were not aware of being hunted. I sent Njada to you to ask if you would join the Companions. It has been several months since we asked you last. Now I know Alduin is your priority and that is fine with us. But you have been a friend to us. We want to offer you a home with us a purpose for when the dragon is dead. I can imagine your plans for after changed. I nodded. Join us. We have already considered you an honorary member. I know it is not the same, but let us be your family, your home." He says. "Would I have to live here?" I asked.

"I like Jorrvaskr, but I just bought some land in Falkreath and I have building a house there." I add. "No. You are not required to live here, but you'll always have a bed here if you need it." He says. I nod. "Yes?" he asks. "Yes Harbinger. I would like to join the Companions." I told him. "Wonderful! Welcome to the Companions whelp." He pats my shoulders.

When I enter the dining hall it is eerily quiet. "Rhea had decided to become a Companion!" He shouts and immediately the room explodes into a wild and raucous cheer. The next thing I know is that I'm getting bounced from table to table person to person being hugged, shoulder slapped and a pinch on the ass which I saw was Aela. She is smiling, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. I escape from the crowd on pretense of dancing and I grab Aela. I mouth "talk later." She nods.

We dance and revel until Kodlak speaks. "It is time for our newest whelp to rest, she has to complete her task to fully become one of us. Aela if you would, please take her to a bed for the night." She nods and crooks her finger as in to follow. It only turned me on a little.

She shows me to a bed I can use whenever I'm there, but after she takes me to her private room. We enter silently and she locks her door and then falls into my arms knocking us down to her bed. She cries softly. I stroke her hair. And remain quiet until her tears stop.

"Thank you. You always know what to say are not to say. I have missed you so much. I can smell both Njada and another woman on you and I can smell you the strongest. Have you not mated in all this time?" she asks. "I haven't even had sex since Lydia. Let alone mated with anyone. I'm just not ready yet. Sex maybe. But nothing more than that. Not sure of that either though." I explained.

"I think I understand. Skjor and I no longer run and have sex like we used to. We still did when the need became too great. And now he takes no for an answer but keeps asking me to. He wants more than I do. I like sex, but if I'm taking your meaning. I do not want to mate, marriage wise. Like you and Lydia." She stops.

"I' m sorry. That was insensitive." I move a lock of hair behind her ear and kiss her cheek. "I miss her still, but it doesn't hurt like it once did. There is nothing to forgive." She smiles and buries her head in my neck. And I feel it again. That spark of arousal.

"You smell even better than usual." She says in my ear. I shiver. "You Bretons are always so cold. Come here." She lifts me and presses me against her further. She inhales again. _"Shit! Crap! Balls!"_ I think to myself. She looks at me. Sniffs again and her sniffing stops as she looks at my crotch.

"You are aroused. No wonder you smelt so good." She says. "I'm sorry. I can't help it. It's been so long, and I haven't as much as even touched myself. And you are beautiful, and so warm, and soft in all the right places. I should probably stop now and get to my bed." I try to get up and leave and she pulls me back down in the bed, and another spike of arousal hits me.

"It would be safer for you to stay here. Others may not have the control I do. I will not press you for sex." She said. I nodded and crawled under blanket. It wasn't as warm as I mine. But I felt the heat behind me and curled into wriggling a bit. In a growly voice as if speaking through clenched teeth. "You are testing the limits of my restraint Rhea." She says.

"I'm sorry. Your just so warm. It's like laying close to a fire." I reply. "Are you settled now?" she asks bringing herself under control again. I sigh and smile, this is the first time I have been completely warm in a while.

My task was to go with Farkas to a silver hand encampment and find documents of their movements. "The old man does not wish to attack them, merely help us avoid them." He says. I detect a hint of grumbling in his tone. "You wish to assault them?" I ask. "I do, but the old man is right, our numbers cannot compare to theirs. They are everywhere and in every land. Sometimes it is hard, to control the bloodlust." He says.

"I can understand that. Half the time I want to focus on hunting down every Vampire in Tamriel. To make them pay for taking her away from me. The only thing that stays me is the dragons. Lydia would want me to continue to complete my task, killing Alduin. Maybe after I will hunt them." I said. "You cannot blame the acts of the few on all. Not all are the same. Not that I have met any, but my point is made." He says. I sigh.

"I know. But that is the bloodlust I must admit to and learn to control." I tell him. I get trapped and he is forced to change into a werewolf. "You do not seem so surprised." He said. "As I told Kodlak, I read a lot, but also I tended to Njada's wound. The silver almost killed her. Silver is the bane of every werewolf. I put two and two together." I said.

With our task completed we return to Jorrvaskr. "Good. Well done. Not every Companion is a werewolf. Just the inner circle. Our most senior members. Nor do you have to become one to join us. But you are strong and seem to have a lot of control over yourself. If you wanted to, you could become one." Kodlak says.

"Thank you Kodlak. I may need to consider it carefully though." I tell him. "As you should, but for now, head to the sky forge and get your gear. Meet me in the cave beneath the forge tonight. No questions please." He says.

I again nod and do as instructed. The forge master Eorlund Grey-mane teaches me a couple of forge skills. "As a favor, would you please bring this shield to Aela. She should be somewhere in Jorrvaskr." He says. "As you wish. Thank you for teaching me more about forging." I reply and take the shield from him.

I'm only a little surprised that my arousal peaks at the sight of Aela. She dismisses the person she was talking to. "Ah good my shield is complete." After the other person leaves, she grabs me and presses her lips to mine. I am tense at first but melt into it and kiss her back a little more passionately. She kicks her door shut and locks it and then I'm falling to her bed, with her on top. She stops a moment.

"Are you sure? Physically I can smell you are, but the rest…" I grab her and kiss her and flip her over ripping off her scant clothing. She growls in approval, but does not let me stay on top long. After a few minutes, all my clothes are removed. She presses her nakedness against me, she nips my neck and I'm gone.

What came next was an hour of devouring, rough and amazingly glorious passionate sex. By the end of it, I'm sore, tired and oh so sated. She gets up before me, I rest a little longer but night has fallen and I needed to meet Kodlak.

I find my way to the hidden cave and see the inner circle, except Aela, but I recognized here werewolf form. I approached her she emits a low rumble. I reach out to touch her, and she resists a moment then hunkers down my hand touches her head. _"So, warm…and soft."_ I think as I just look at the woman who only hours ago had me whimpering in pleasure.

"Have you considered, the change?" Kodlak asks. "I have Harbinger. I will undergo the change." I said. "Are you sure?" he asks. "Yes sir." I reply. "Very well, Aela if you would." He says. I watch him cut her arm and squeeze some of her blood in a bowl. I don't drink it right away, but go to Aela and heal the gash in her arm. I keep in eye contact with her as I drink the bowl. My body writhes and I feel a sort of delicious pain and pleasure, then nothing.

I come back to awareness, the area looks familiar. Just over that rise is Lakeview Manor. I prayed that no one was home if I went there. "Awake at last. I look and see a very naked Aela and some noticeable wounds. "Oh gods. Aela did I do that to you. Did I hurt you badly?" I ask. She smiles. "In a very good way." She said. "You mean…I…we." She nods. "Gods. I raped you, as a werewolf." I said ashamed she squats in front of me.

"We were both werewolves. I had to distract you from the village somehow. Originally, I just nudged you away, but then we sort of just went at it. You'll remember eventually. Now where could we find some clothes and food?" She asks out loud and not necessarily to me. I point to the ride in front of us. "My homestead is there. I have food, clothes, armor and weapons there. I'm not sure if Rayya and Njada are still there though." She pulls me up, I wince every step of the way.

"The first time is the hardest, hurts the most. It stops hurting so much after awhile. I smell them but the scent is a day old. No one is in your house." She says. Curiously, I sniff the air too. It was exhilarating really, to know so much by just the scents around us.

I caught a scent that intrigued me while I was changing. "Aela. Are you umm… aroused again?" I ask. She just gives me a predatory smile. The next thing I feel is the bear skin rug beneath my back. Her desire sparks mine and again we have wild passionate sex.

Hours later we have eaten, packed, finally dressed and left my home to return to Whiterun. Skjor growls at me and challenges me no doubt smelling Aela's scent all over me. We took a bit longer to get here, stopping a few times to indulge in each other.

"You dare steal my mate from me, is that how you honor your fallen mate, by taking another's mate and falling into bed with her?" he asks as he presses his attack. "I was never yours Skjor. Nor am I mating with her. We have sex, and that is all. Much like I had arranged with you, before you ruined it by wanting more." Aela says as I threw him a few feet away near her feet. I stand.

"I would have loved you, completely." He said. "I did not want love Skjor. I wanted relief during heats, and nothing more." She says and he grows angry, we were just outside of Whiterun when Skjor attacked us. So that was a plus considering he had turned into a werewolf and began slicing at me. I tried to change but could not. I deflected him with shield spells, but he just kept coming. I didn't want to kill him, but I was getting weaker.

I feel a whoosh of air and see a streak of fur and then I hear the snarling and snapping and small whines. I watch as Aela now as a werewolf tears into Skjor. She may kill him, so lost in her bloodlust. "Aela!" I shout. She ignores me. I shout a couple times more to the same effect as before, nothing. I sigh. "I'm sorry Aela. "FUS RO DAH" I use unrelenting force to push them apart, but making it weak enough to not hurt them. Aela looks at me and snarls.

"Go Skjor! Now!" the werewolf form that is Skjor runs away. Aela's attentions on me now. She stalks me. _"No fear. No fear."_ I remind myself. I straightened my spine and breathed deeply. "Aela. Settle down. Come back to us." She growls and my eyes widen as I see she her sex was quite literally dripping with desire. She advances towards me. "Aela. No. Aela." I try to remain in command.

Her eyes had become slits, lust brimming from her. _"Either way she is going to take me. Maybe if I become a werewolf, I can manage to escape harm. Gods she smelled good."_ My wolf seems to want to take over I continue to hold her gaze, not letting a hint of fear enter me. She crouches and launches at me her weight feels almost crushing.

I murmur another spell to give me strength, and I surge up twisting and pinning her to the ground. Her eyes turn from feral predatory lust, to pleading whimpers of pain. Her wolf sex looks swollen and red. And very tempting to my wolf. "It's hurting you with the built up pressure." She whines in affirmative. "I cannot believe I'm going to do this." She tries to move. "No. Stay. I control this." I said and she stayed still. I reach in my pack and find a draught of a potion, I never thought I'd use and drink it. Immediately I feel the desire overwhelm me.

I straddle her hips again, and let the wolf out. I watch the wolf turn over Aela and sink into her. my wolf is not gentle, but her wolf loves it. The human in me is sickened, and the sight of her fur I can feel the thrusting wild movements, and Talos help me, I fucking loved it. Then I was lost in the haze of passion, and I could feel my phallus knot deep inside of her. Releasing the hot seed. Both exhausted we shrink back to our human forms and memories assault me, of taking her before.

I shudder. Not because I was disgusted I did it, but because I was disgusted about how the memory turned me on. I began to weep as I lay on top of her and her arms wrapped around me, I cried myself to sleep on her bosom.

I felt her arm around me sometime in the night. "I'm sorry. I had hoped you'd never see that side of me. The fight, the memories of the past few days, they just overtook me." She says squeezing me. I turn to her my fingers trail through fire red hair. "It's ok. Do you always get that way in wolf form?" I ask. "No. not even during my heat cycle. Tonight was a first." She responds.

"So, you were like that even with Skjor?" I ask. "Heat cycles, were almost like that, but not like it just was." she responds. "Ummm… why did I have the male part?" I ask. "I do not know. You have been the first, to use my blood to change. Only when Kodlak believes we have control over the wolf completely does he allow us to use our blood." She said. I kiss her cheek.

"So, I guess we just have to figure it out then." I reply. As we lay there my heightened sense of hearing picks up her heartbeat. It's fast, wild, and strong like Aela. I still could remember Lydia's. Even as I lay in Aela's arms, I wished it was Lydia and her heartbeat.

Once we returned to Jorrvaskr we separated. She in her room, me on my bed. We didn't really have sex anymore. Partially because she was infatuated with Rayya, and partially because neither of our needs became unbearable. It was a challenge for me when Njada and Ria continually snuck into each other's beds.

The whole of the Companion hall had trouble with all the blatant sexual tensions. Rayya had gotten Breezehome ready for me. The first week there was difficult all the memories that kept popping up at random times. There were days I was so decimated emotionally I could not care less how spicy her food was. I could barely taste it. It was on a day like this that Rayya approached me.

"Rhea. You need to get out, go run, and hunt. You've been cooped up for days and frankly you need a bath." I glared at her. "Fine you leave me no choice." She whistles and Farkas and Vilkas come in. "Sorry little sister, but the Companions can smell you all the way to Jorrvaskr." I try to fight, but it was pointless these two were like mountains.

Unceremoniously they dump me into a large tub of hot water, I'm in shock at first. Then I feel hands pulling off my beyond saving dress and look around. Aela, Rayya, Njada and Ria begin to wash me roughly. Then dry me roughly and by the time they start brushing my hair and dressing me roughly I had it. "FUS" they stagger back a bit. "Jeez, easy on the merchandise. I got it, message received." I said smiling.

"Good. Maybe now you will help me and Skjor." Aela says. The others leave, knowing this is private. "So Skjor and I found a Silver Hand encampment setting up. They are the ones that hurt Njada. Honor demands we see justice done. Will you help us." I nod. "Are you and Skjor?" I ask.

"No. No he has finally accepted that I do not want to be his mate or have sex with him anymore. He even approves of my infatuation with Rayya. And no, I have not made any moves at all. But I love her cooking. Sometimes I feel like I may orgasm eating it." She says wistfully wanting the food again. As well as wanting the one who prepared it just as much. Which was awkward to me. Aela was my former lover and Rayya was like my mother.

"We lost Skjor, because of yours and Aela's foolishness, and what's more, you two may have started a war, that we aren't ready for." Kodlak says angrily. I look at my feet in shame. He sighs. "What's done is done. I do have a personal favor to ask. Do you remember how we came to be beasts?" he asks. "I vaguely remember the story." I reply.

He explained about the Glenmoril Witches and his former predecessor from a long time. "If we get one of their heads and take it Ysgramor's tomb and place the head in his fire, we can cure Lycanthropy. At least for one of us. I imagine you would need a head for each cure. But I long to be in Sovngarde as a Nord should go when he dies. Not the hunting grounds of Hircine. Please Rhea help me do this. Free me of Lycanthropy." He requests.

"I shall see it done my friend. By your leave, Harbinger." He nods and I leave. Grabbing Rayya on the way out. I explain what we are going to do. "Will you perform this ritual for yourself as well?" She asks. "One day. But I can't help but feel I need to stay as I am right now." I tell her.

"You do realize you needed only one head, not all five." Rayya says catching her breath. "Eh. One less coven of witches won't hurt Skyrim." I do not feel winded in the slightest. I used my werewolf form a couple of times. "Werewolves are indeed impressive." Rayya says impressed. "Aela would be happy to hear you say that. She loves being a werewolf. You know Rayya it is ok to act on your feelings. I do not care, it's a little strange that my former lover and you are in love, you have been like a mother to me. Do you honestly think your wife wouldn't have wanted you to?" I ask her.

"It does feel strange, a bit like I'm robbing the cradle, but I cannot seem to stop how she makes me feel. Would your wife say the same?" she asks me. "Yes. Lydia would and I agree with her. I'm just not ready yet. I'm not saying grab Aela and bend her over a barrel right away. But when you are ready. If my senses are right, she wants you to, bend her over a barrel that is. Anything else is for you two to decide." I tell her.

"I will think on what you have said." She shivers a bit, I put an arm around her sharing my warmth. She burrows into the warmth. "Are all Lycanthropes this warm?" she asks. "No. They are warmer, at least Aela is it's like laying close enough to a fire to feel really warm, but far enough to not feel like you are burning." I tell her.

"You and Aela, never mated?" she asks. I shake my head. "We had sex a few times. Just to sate our needs, nothing more. We haven't in a long time. Not since she saw you that first time at the Jorrvaskr. She loves your cooking better than Njada. She said she feels like she might have an orgasm when she eats your food. Rayya. You don't have to worry. It was just sex to us, and neither have felt the need to do it again with each other. Remember how you told me you went to brothels to fulfill that need. That's what it was. Finding physical comfort." I hug her closer she nods.

I return to Jorrvaskr in time to finish repelling a wave of Silver Hand. "What happened? How many have we lost?" I ask Aela. "They just came out of nowhere and attacked us. Most have only minor injuries, but we lost Kodlak." Vilkas answers me. I feel my heart break, but now is not the time to fall apart. I go around Jorrvaskr healing the injuries that I have enough skill for.

By the time, I had finished I had the energy to just collapse on my bed and pass out. I was gently shaken awake hours later. I rub my eyes. "It's time for Kodlak's funeral." Farkas's voice says. As we pass Aela's room both her and Rayya come out, hair mussed clothes rumpled.

I grin as does Farkas, we can smell the sex that had just happened between them. Rayya blushes and hurriedly finds a shiny surface to fix her hair in front of. I giggle. "You might as well leave it, some of others are just going to smell it on you and know anyways." She glares and stomps off.

After the funeral, I meet the remaining inner circle in the cave beneath the forge. "Kodlak wanted to go to Sovngarde. We should honor his last wish." Vilkas says. "I agree." I said. Farkas in agreement as well. "He was a father to me. Though I do not share his wish, I will make his come true." Aela says. Eorlund comes in and explains what must be done first.

"So. Here's my idea. We all split up and search for Wuuthard's shards. We'll find them sooner, and see to his last request." I suggest. "Agreed. We know they are in three places. But none of us should do this alone." Vilkas says. I nod he places a map where the shards are at. "Vilkas and Farkas, retrieve the one from here." I point to one.

"Rayya." I call for her. "Yes, my little one." She responds. "You and Aela, retrieve this one." I point to a place on the map. "Relax, I'm not going alone. I have someone in mind." Rayya nods and we all go our separate ways. I felt a little bad for lying, but I needed some solitary time. I head out the secret passage way and to Riften. I had some other minor things I needed to do there.

And again, somehow, I became a Thane of Riften and another housecarl was assigned to me. "Iona?" I ask. "Yes, my Thane." She responds. "Please. I prefer Rhea. No Dragonborn this or My Thane that. It grates on my nerves." I said as politely as I could. "Yes. Rhea. I will endeavor to do so." She said. "Good. Thank you. Get your gear together. I need you to come with me." She nods and grabs her sword and shield, she vaguely reminds me of Lydia.

She had a sword and shield when we first set out, then I got her more used to two handed weapons and archery. But on Iona, it looked right. But still I would get her used to archery. It saved my ass a number of times. I was impressed with her at our first battle and with a dragon no less.

She kept calm and collected another reminder of Lydia, but other than that their fighting styles differed. Lydia was always more gung ho and her archery though not bad, was not great either. Iona though. She was calm, and I could sense her excitement it was muted compared to my Lydia. And her archery was astounding, I would say up to par with Aela's and she was a master with it.

Soon enough, I was back in Whiterun shard in hand. Iona with me, now in better armor and weapons following behind me. I met the others in front of Jorrvaskr. "Who's this?" Rayya asks. "Iona, Rayya. Iona is the housecarl Riften assigned me when I became Thane." I look at Rayya again catching a glimpse if shiny jewelry.

"An amulet of Mara? Are you ready to marry again?" she nods. "What amulet?" Aela asks. "When did you get that? I've been with you this whole time?" Aela asks surprised. "After your special time of the month. You passed out when we were done. So, I went and bought one. I just started wearing it today." She replies. "Oh. Well. Ok after we finish this for Kodlak you and are going to Riften to get married." Aela says. I arch my eyebrows and grin. She grins and walks away. Rayya taking Iona to Breezehome. _"I would need more beds at the manor, or more houses."_ I tell myself.

I ached all over. Ysgramor's tomb was a bit more challenging than I thought, but Kodlak was free and on his way to Sovngarde. Aela and I were meeting Iona and Rayya in Riften. For hers and Rayya's wedding. "Feeling nervous Aela? I was terrified on my wedding day. I still remember it quite clearly, could draw it in detail from memory." I say to her.

She's a jumbled mess of nerves right now. "I'm surprised you aren't teasing me and reminding me of how I was so against being mated and married to anyone." She says. "The right one, the right time, it is bound to happen. I didn't want any sort if relationship. Then boom! Like a fire ball Lydia enters my life and all I could think about was marrying her." I said smiling at the memories.

"I worked so hard and to the point of exhaustion to buy Breezehome for her. She fell in love with the place the first time she went into it. She was a little girl then, playing hide and go seek. But that's not the point. The point is love can be unexpected at times and found in unexpected people." I said.

I start to feel her panic again. "Aela. What's wrong?" I ask. "Where will we live? I hardly think Jorrvaskr is a good place for a married couple." I toss her the keys to Breezehome. "Your wedding present from me." I tell her. "But this was your wife's favorite place. Your home for the longest time." She says.

"Which is exactly why I'm giving it to you and Rayya. Lydia would want you to have it. I can hardly think straight there, and I have Lakeview Manor. I'm not giving it to you simply because it's hard to be there. It would have gotten better in time. Breezehome was a blessing for us and filled with so much joy and laughter and love, that I want to give that blessing to you both." I said.

She hugs me and we enter the Temple of Mara. I remembered my own ceremony. She was so beautiful in that dress, that I had thought Mara herself was before me. _"I need to visit her and Paarthurnax. I took Rayya and now I will take Iona."_ After this Iona and I would leave for High Hrothgar. I needed some help finding another shout too.


	3. The College and the Brotherhood

The return journey to High Hrothgar was eventful to say the least. We could hardly travel far without something attacking. Dragons, Giants, Mammoths, Bandits and mages blocked our path to the mountain. While up the mountain, there were ice wolves, ice wraiths, an ice troll and yes, another Dragon. A blood dragon this time. Blood dragons by far have been the toughest dragons I have ever had to fight.

By the time, we had gotten up to the top I had Iona on my back and managed to stagger inside of the tower, that the Greybeard's called home. Then abruptly I collapsed in exhaustion. My beast blood always prevented me from having a restful night. But just this once out of sheer exhaustion the wolf in me slept soundly. I woke up feeling truly well rested.

I spoke with the Graybeards momentarily then took Iona up to the throat of the world. She reacted much the same as Rayya and pulled her sword out and faced Paarthurnax. "Peace Iona. He is a friend." I said. "He's a dragon. You are supposed to kill them." She says.

"Not all dragons are bad and want to kill us. We just haven't met one before. I used to think the same thing of Paarthurnax. But he has been a friend and guide to me. Also, he protects my wife's resting place." I said. With a dubious look at the great dragon, I walk her to the mausoleum. And see fresh ice flowers. I look at the dragon. "Not me. Agnemir." I nod at him.

I take her through the private path I had built for me. I wasn't worried though, once I left the mausoleum the path would disappear again and move. A little something my dragon friend taught me. I stroke the marble representation of Lydia. "Hello love. Sorry it's been so long. Some things have happened lately. So first, I joined the companions, became a werewolf, and then cured Kodlak, remember him."

I sighed. "So, I hope he is in Sovngarde with you. The Companions elected me as their new Harbinger." I chuckle. "Yet another title I have to deal with. Gods Lydia. Dragonborn, Guild Master, Thane of three holds, and now Harbinger. Yep Thane of Riften now too. I miss those days where I was just Rhea. Or Lydia's wife. I brought the Housecarl from Riften with me. Her name is Iona." I added a heart shaped jewel to her crypt.

"Rayya is on her honeymoon, with guess who. Aela. I guess she just needed someone who could dominate and leash the wolf in her. Aela and I…, we had a special time. Mostly seeing to the others physical needs, but her heats, wow." I touch her face again. Iona, is standing there not sure what to do. "I miss you." I said holding back tears.

"Dovahkiin. They are ready for you." I nod. "Thank you." I kiss her marble cheek. "Until next time. I love you still." We head out and down the mountain. "We have located a shout, which one is unknown, but is near Winterhold College." Agnemir says. "Thank you. We will leave in the morning." He says and they prepare rooms and a meal for us.

We are halfway there when we need to rest for the night. Windhelm became our lodgings for the night. After Iona fell asleep for the night, I left and headed back to the Aretino residence. "It is done, the mean headmistress is gone. The Brotherhood answered my summoning." The boy was leaping with joy. I felt no remorse in the fact I had killed her.

In stealth mode, I found out firsthand what she had done and did to the children. So, when she retired and I had put a sleeping spell on everyone there, I entered her room and plunged a dagger into her withered and cruel heart. I snuck out again. No one the wiser.

He gave me an heirloom of his which was one the Stones of Barenziah I had started collecting. When I returned to the inn I lay down to sleep, when I awoke I was not in the same place, a sultry sounding voice slithered over me and I had to admit I was turned on, substantially.

"A life for a life. Your life or one of theirs." I approach the hostages and center on the only woman there. I hear her words and her very voice sets me in edge. Out of the three, she was the only one whom said she did nothing wrong. Her haughty voice and lies and my own instinct told me she was the one. So, I didn't hesitate to end her. "I did as you asked, now free me." I told her.

My eyes roamed her body. The wolf in me wanted her, wanted to mount her and take her. I knew I needed to leave, or the beast would control me. "Oh… I know that look. You want me. You want to rip these clothes off and take me. There is a wildness in you. Hmmm… I have to say it is very appealing to me." She strokes her throat and neck. I growl in desire and approval. She removes her shawl and shirt. I growl again.

"Just give in. It is worse if you don't." she pulls off her pants. I cannot control the need in me longer. I launch at her grabbing her and ripping off the rest of her clothes as my lips brutally claim her. I need more want more, I'm burning with desire, there is nothing but need, savage need to be inside of her, making her shriek.

Before I know it I'm in my wolf form and I feel the weight dangling between my legs. "Well. Now this should be interesting." She says as she bends over. I can smell her sex and then I see nothing. The desire overwhelming and making me black out. I looked down at her, her breaths are shallow but she is smiling goofily. I then began to check the damage the wolf had done. The claw marks in her hips standing out the most.

"I'm sorry. I know you would say you aren't, but Astrid I don't like this new side to me. It terrifies me and I could have killed you." I said. She strokes my face "Then I would have died with a smile on my face and a pleasant ache between my legs." She said. I can see her tortured and fragmented soul reflecting in her eyes. And I'm overcome with not pity, but love for her.

I kiss her bruised lips adding healing magic to it. My every touch gentle, caressing, loving and filled with healing magic. Her eyes widen, she seems terrified of the gentle manner I touch her. When I get to her sex I use warm soothing water to rinse her out.

Slowly I build her desires up and when she reaches her peak, it is powerful and beautiful. She begins to cry. I hold her soothing her to the best of my ability. Her heartbeat, is slow and gentle. She is calm, which I am guessing has never been before.

I hold her as she cries. "It is ok. Astrid. Let it out. It's ok to want to be held and loved and to have gentle sex. There is nothing wrong with it, or you." I tell her soothingly and reassuringly. She pulls me tighter into her.

After we had dressed she handed me note. "If you want to join us, go here and say the phrase on the paper." She said. I give no answer to her and hand her the paper back without looking at it. "No Astrid. I won't become an assassin. I kill for two reasons alone, to defend myself and if they deserve it. I won't kill for the sake of killing." She looks hurt.

"Astrid. I don't disagree with the need for the Brotherhood. I'm just not the right person for the job. There is nothing wrong with being an assassin either. It just isn't right for me. I barely can manage being the guild master of the Thieves guild. Most of the time I let the second in command run it." I tell her.

"Then, I am sorry Rhea. But it may come to the fact that I might have to kill you." She says. "Really so my choices are to either join or die?" I ask. "The night mother sent the order. Either the last Dragonborn joins or we are to kill her. Her orders our absolute." She says. "Not to me." I state.

"Damn you for making me have to so this!" She shrouds herself, but I can still smell her. I feel tears in my eyes. She reappears with in my space and thrusts her knife at me, I move slightly so that nothing vital is hit. It burns like hell, there is silver in her blade. I roar with pain and push her away. I grab her knife and pull it out and throw it at her she evades easily but it puts her right where I want her.

I move fast and I thrust my blade into her heart. She smiles as she dies, serene once again. "I'm sorry Astrid." I choke out. I kiss her cold dead lips and remove anything I might need. I place my hand on her chest and set her corpse on fire. Then I burn the rest of the hut. I stare at the rising sun and go to the nearest town. I need a horse and to report this.

Solitude was the same distance as Morthal from where I was. I was in a bleak mood so the looming gates of Morthal appealed to me. I reported Astrid's death to a guard. He then took me before the Jarl. I repeated the encounter leaving out the sex part and the fact that I had killed someone. Then they sent me to Dragon's Bridge where a commanding officer says I needed to destroy the Brotherhood and again I found myself near Lakeview Manor.

I stared at the door that was the entrance to their sanctuary said the passphrase and as soon as I entered the place, I killed the doorman and all hell broke loose. I had wanted to do this quickly and silently, but I had no choice. Room by room I went, every room inciting a battle. The little vampire was hardest to kill, she was tenacious and skilled, but it was the fact she looked like a child. _"What kind of monster would turn a child like this."_ I said as I watched her body disintegrate into dust.

One last thing to kill. The night mother's keeper kept me on my toes and I had to dodge his magic spells. "FUS RO DAH" I shouted and he went flying into the fireplace. As he struggled to get up I impaled him on my sword. I turned to the passive lying Draugr. She tries to get in my brain. My hands still. The beast in me roars to be unshackled, I let it take over and watch as my claws render her to pieces. I force it back when it wants to devour her. I grab a torch and set fire to it. The beast is not appeased.

I change again and hunt deer until the beast is sated. Collecting my armor and weapons, I go straight to my homestead bathe, sleep, leave some items and grab supplies. My coach is there and waiting by the time I leave. "Where to?" the driver asks. "Winterhold." I reply and again lean back to rest. I had sent a message to Dragon's Bridge. My quest had been put on hold enough.

Once I returned to Winterhold, I went to the inn that I had been taken from. Iona caught sight of me and hugged me tightly. "I was worried about you Rhea. What happened?" She asked. "Do we still have a room here. I'd rather tell you in private?" I asked. "I don't know. The innkeeper has been nice enough to let me stay, provided I work for room and board." I head to the innkeeper, say thank you and settle any accounts.

Then paid for a private room for the night. I planned on being gone soon. We went to our room. I shut the door and used a spell to muffle voices. I told her about Astrid and the Dark Brotherhood, and subsequently destroying the assassin guild. "I did not want to. But I was forced. It was either I join or die." I explained.

"There just assassins. I am sure Skyrim isn't less for their loss." She says. "Iona, they weren't just assassins. They were people too. They had their own lives and stories. Assassins do serve a purpose. It's like the Thieves guild. Both are necessary at times." I tried to explain why I felt so conflicted about this. She shrugs.

"If it helps, think of it as you were defending yourself. After all they did threaten to kill you and Astrid did attack you. You have the wound to prove it. Did you have it treated?" she asked. "Kind of. I got the silver out. And cleaned it." I pull up my tunic having divested myself of armor.

She looks at. It's red, swollen, and tender to the touch. So of course, she touches it. I grimaced and saw yellowish fluid come out. "You need to get to a healer." She stands up and leaves the room. A few moments later she returns with the innkeeper in toe.

"Her wound is infected. We must see a healer. Have you none in this hold?" she asks and lifts my shirt exposing how bad it was. "None that can heal that. You'll have to go to the College. All the strongest mages are there. There's a woman named Colette. She is a restoration master. She would be able to fix 'er up. I would probably go there now. You're starting to ooze there Dragonborn."

I look down. _"Eww…gross."_ I think as puss and blood push out with every breath. I hand Iona my coin purse. She pays the innkeeper and carries my armor. _"Damn, these Houscarls are strong, what do they feed them."_ I wonder, as I remember how much Lydia and Rayya carried when we traveled.

For the most part I walked on my own, leaning on Iona only a little. We were almost at the gates when I heard the dragon's roar. "Oh. For the love of Mara!" I said grabbing my bow and shooting at its wings Iona did the same and I was mighty grateful for the wizard colleges help. It was brought down just before the doors. Close to the edge. There I rushed it with my swords, as Iona used her bow, and the Wizards used their magic.

By the time, I had absorbed its soul, which usually invigorated me, I had torn all my stitches out and was bleeding, quite profusely. Iona was there at instant. I felt her arms around me, as she supported me. Then everything became garbled and sounded far away. If Iona had not been there I'd be in the ground by now. _"Talos these women are strong."_ I thought before everything became black.

"By the nine. You would think the Dragonborn would know restoration spells, and a Breton at that." I heard a woman grumble. "I do. Just not that much. Flesh wounds I can do expertly, but anything bigger and I can't. Destruction magic, now that I can do, and very well." I said groggily.

"My Thane. I thought we would lose you. Are you always so reckless?" Iona scolds even as she embraces me. "You sound like my late wife. And no, I try not to be." I reply. "Lydia, must have been a saint. I feel the need to lock you up somewhere, so you don't end up killing yourself foolishly." She said still irritated.

I laughed and by the gods it hurt. "She tried. Several times. I always escaped. Iona, I cannot always avoid being hurt. That is the life of a warrior." I said. "Well you can at least learn to better protect yourself and heal yourself better. Enroll here." Colette says.

"It isn't that easy. I have a responsibility to Tamriel. I cannot just hold up somewhere, even if it's to learn things that may help in the long run." I explain to her. "We understand that Dragonborn. You are free to come and go as you please. Just take a few lessons while you are here." She answers back. "Maybe, you'll even learn a few things you need to." She says.

"Fine. But I can't stay long. Dragons are attacking innocent people, even as we speak." I explain. She hands me some scrolls and I read each one, and I feel the knowledge come to me. "Head to Tolfdir's class he is giving a lecture there. Mirabelle has brought you some novice robes. Change into them and I will escort you. However, your housecarl must stay here. She is a guest and not a student." I look at Iona, she nods that it was fine.

"Do you think you could point me to the kitchens. I could use a meal as could Rhea." She says. Colette waits for me to change, both her and Iona waiting outside the door. I yelp as I try to put on my robes. "Still tender. Let me help." Iona says. I grimace and nod. Iona is quick, proficient, and thankfully gentle.

I can walk of my own power. But I feel the little pulls on the newly healed and knitted flesh. It twinges a bit, but I feel my wolf working on completely healing me. By tomorrow I would be pretty much fit as a fiddle. We break our fast on venison stew, bread, cheese and fruits. Afterwards, Colette escorts her back to my room as Mirabelle escorts me to the class.

I am irritated by one of the apprentice's ideas of magic. "Magic can be dangerous if you don't have control or a way to protect against unfriendly spells. How often, have you been out in the field fighting and trying to protect yourself and your companions." I said irritably. "None. Any of you?" I asked my tone softer. They shake their head.

"Trust me then. I have been out there most of my life, and even more so this past couple of years. Magic is dangerous." I said. Tolfdir agreed with me and began his lecture on wards. He uses me as an instruction device. I use my lesser ward and deflect his spell. "Very good. Now since you are ready to prove yourselves, we're going in a little expedition to Saarthal. Will you be traveling with us?" he asks me.

"No. I'll meet you there. I need to do something first. It won't take long. I hope." I reply. "Very well." He hands me a map with Saarthal marked. "Thank you, sir. I'll meet you there." I reply and leave the class to go to my room. Iona has fallen asleep on my bed. I wriggle in next to her.

She stirs enough only to put her arm around me. She smells good. It's like an earthy tone. I feel slightly relaxed by it. I feel no desire, but love. A love of friendship and maybe familial, like with Rayya. _"I wonder how they are doing. I should send a message. Let them know I'm ok."_ I yawn and curl into Iona and fall asleep.

My wolf's need to hunt awakens me, as usual. You never quite realize, how much a restful night's sleep is needed until it becomes, somewhat impossible to have. I get up and get out of the bed, Iona still slumbers deeply. I leave the College and find an island not far from shore, I can smell the game on the island.

I swim to it. The frigid waters only slightly bugging me. The wolf kept me warmer, I would miss that. But yes, I needed to give up my wolf. At some time. I promised Aela in my last letter that I would try and work with my wolf, not against it. I removed my clothing and put it over a fire to dry, I had left my armor at the college. I stretched a bit and went I to the wooded area and just let the wolf take over.

After my wolf was sated, I shrunk back to myself and headed to my now dry clothes. I looked at the water again. Time to get wet again. I wasn't even sure why I bothered to even dry my clothes. But as luck would have it now that I could think clearer, I found a partially sunken bridge. At least my feet and calves would only get wet.

A quiet and leisurely stroll found me back at the College. I was tired again, and the wolf sated for now. I take of my cold and wet clothing and check for frostbite near a fire. Once they are deemed ok and warm, I crawl back into the bed Iona again stirring only a little and putting her arm around me again. With the morning comes Iona's apologies.

"Iona. It's fine. It was nice and warm. I don't mind snuggling as long as it remains to just snuggling." I tell her she sighs in relief. I do not eat much at breakfast which immediately worried Iona. I explained that I had went hunting in the night. She glares at me keeping a low town. "Why did you not wake me?" she asks.

"My wolf needed to hunt, I could not think beyond that need. I am sorry." I said she sighs and I hear her grumble "Lydia" and "saint" I chuckle a bit. "I was not as I am now when she lived. I was not a wolf then. But I'm sure she would have shared your sentiment." I tell her. I do notice how little it hurts now to speak of her, or even hear her name. I even find joy in remembering our time together. I still feel the loss, but at least now it doesn't rob me of my mind.

Before dusk, I have reached Saarthal. Iona insisted on coming, so I brought her with me. "I am not sure I like underground ruins." She says. "Neither do I. One gets tired of the constant streams of draugrs, hidden traps, and darkness. But sometimes it's worth it. A lot of my fortunes stem from these underground places and dragon shouts too. Plus, all the history." I reply.

She rolls her eyes. "I suppose. Though yet, I am still not fond of these places." She replies. "You know, I have yet to meet someone who loves them. Not really sure I'd want to either." I said. She smiles, then it fades as another group of draugr attack us. We fight well together, very few times do we get in each other's way. Only time and more battles we get us in sync with each other.

The familiar sound of a word of power comes to my sensitive ears. And ofcourse there is an annoying pillar puzzle blocking the way. "Gods! I hate these puzzles with a passion." I say as I finally figure it out. She moves forward, I pull her back. "Wait." She stands by me irritably, as I look around the next room. The door to where I can feel the wall is located at is before me at the other end of the room.

A couple of smaller sarcophagi litter the room and just before the wall door, is a large one. I groan. "How many healing potions do we have?" I ask her. She looks through her list. "Twenty give or take a couple. Why?" she asks. "Get your bow ready. Cover me and hand me five of those potions." I tell her. She does as she is asked. At her questioning glance. "You'll see. Remain here." She nods in agreement.

And as usual, as soon as I get close to the entrance of the world wall room. Skeletons burst from the small sarcophagi, and a draugr overlord bursts through his. _"Yep. Right on cue."_ He shouts at me and I am pushed back a little. I shout back. "YOL TOOR SHUL" fire engulfs him and blinds him momentarily, I press the advantage. One sword sheathed again, I use a frost spell to get close and lop off an arm. I jump back and roll to the side as it tries to shout at me again.

Quickly I pull the shield off my back, its blow glances off the shield. I plant my feet and push it back twirling to its sword arm, I chop it off and then swing around crouching and cutting its legs from beneath him and drove my sword into its head. I get up not even winded I see an arrow fly past me into a hidden draugrs head. I look back at Iona and nod in thanks.

The door leads to a room and I groan in irritation again. Iona looks at what has drawn that groan. "Talos. Another one." She says. "These things, oh how they vex me. I am thoroughly vexed now." I sigh and begin figuring out the puzzle Tolfdir catches up to us. I restrain my shout of triumph as I finally get it and I hear the door lock click. We enter, the word of power thrums in my ears. I stop and look around. "Only one sarcophagus? This does not bode well." I comment.

"Why? It's only one. We just took out a room full." Iona says. "Something I've learned on my journey. If there is only one sarcophagus guarding a wall, or any spectacular treasures, it is because it only needs one. Whatever comes out of there, will be a great challenge to defeat. Tolfdir, will you be alright to fight? Can you help us?" I ask. "I believe so." He says. I nod.

"Okay. Iona stay close to him but give him room to work." I look to the looming sarcophagus, and breathe in a deep, relaxing and focused breath. I let it out. "And so, it shall begin." I approach the wall and it looks like a draugr, but I feel its power. I attack and it does nothing. _"Run. Gotta run. Run. Oh shit! Run. Crap. Hide"_ I chant to myself.

"Anytime Tolfdir!" I said as I nearly miss the things scything attack. "Got it! Attack!" He shouts. I roll beneath the floating thing and grab my swords. I swoop in and attack it. I lose a sword, I flip backwards and throw my shield at it.

I throw my daggers at it while I run around it I grab my two-handed sword leap up and crash my sword down on it. I admit I was winded, I check on the others and retrieve my weapons and shield. "We just fought and defeated Jyrik Gaulderson. He was a wizard of legend." Tolfdir says.

"Glad someone is excited. Can we leave now?" Iona says. "Shortly." I approached the wall and let the word absorb into me. "Ice form." I say out loud. "Is getting these words always this difficult?" Iona asks. "Lately, yes. Word walls are always guarded by something. Whether it be Skeletons, Draugrs of differing varieties, dragons, and one time we had to fight a dragon priest." I gather my discarded throwing knives.

"He almost killed Lydia and me. We were lucky we had so many potions. It took every stamina and magicka potion we had and all but one of our healing potions. She insisted I drink it. I insisted she drank it. This lead to an argument, then declarations of love. In the end, we just split it. It helped us long enough for us to find, buy, or make more. I'm stronger now. But I am hoping I won't have to face another one if I can help it." I said. Iona grins.

"What?" I ask. "You do realize that you probably just guaranteed it would happen Dragonborn." I groan. "By Talos. I just did. Didn't I?" I ask rhetorically. "Yes, my Thane." She says. The next room holds an ominous floating orb, that is emitting a blue light. Dread sets in me. "Tolfdir. What is that?" I ask. "I honestly don't know. We'll need to study it more. But it should be reported to the arch mage. If you would please Rhea, return to the College and report this." He says to me.

"Yes Sir. I'll head back now. Iona, can you carry a couple of things?" I ask. "I am sworn to carry your burdens, my Thane." She says cheekily. "Now you're doing that on purpose?" I ask her teasingly. "I wouldn't dream of it Harbinger." She says. I laugh. _"She is so much like Lydia and Rayya and I love it."_ I say to myself.

"Straight back to the College?" She asks. "Not just yet, I have a few Bandit camps to remove, then a dragon sighting to investigate. They are not far out of the way." I inform her, looking at the list of things I needed to do. She looks at me. I sigh and hand her the list. "Seriously. A quest list?" she says. "Lydia came up with it. So many people need help. I couldn't keep it straight. So, Lydia started making a list." Her hands trace the delicate curving letters.

"Lydia's hand writing. This is mine." I point out to the bold, non-curving letters. "You are almost done with the portions she wrote." She notices. Tracing Lydia's delicate hand writing again. "This and her letters, my memories and my wedding ring are all I have left of her." I tell her she rubs my back in soothing motions. "This must be hard on you still." She says. "Not as much as before. It has taken me almost 9 months to get here." I share with her.

"If it is not too painful or personal, might I ask how she passed on?" She asks. "It is personal, but I will tell you." I began at when she joined the Blades. "It had always been her dream to join either them or The Companions. I rather wished I would have encouraged her to try for the Companions. If I had asked Kodlak and the others to consider her, maybe they would have listened, and she would still be alive." I share with her.

"Or she could have died anyways. Sometimes it is just someone's time." She said. "If I had stayed by her side…" I began. She places two fingers on my lips. "Stop. If you had been by her side then, how many would have died in her stead. You could have died too. Again, how many lives would be lost. And when the Gods' call you to Sovngarde, there is little choice but to go. But she died fighting for what she believed. Do not belittle her sacrifice." She said in her proud Nord voice.

"You are so much like her you know. You tease and make me laugh, when all I want to do is weep. When I feel overly burdened by my apparent destiny, you say just the right thing. You easily seem lighten my tense moods." I tell her. "You aren't about to say you're in love with me and ask me to marry you, are you?" She says. I chuckle.

"No. Nothing like that. I do love you, but as my sister, had I one." I tell her. She smiles. "Good. I'm not ready for anything like that. But I do love you in the same fashion." I reach over our saddles and embrace. "Now enough of these mushy feelings, we got some killing to do." We smile at each other and move on.

"Why must he do this? We don't really have time to play at book keeper." Iona grumbles. "He has a whole College to run and several apprentices to monitor." I said to her. "You are the Guild Master of a guild, Harbinger of the Companions, Thane of three holds, and the Dragonborn. Your plate is much fuller." She says.

"I realize that. But Brynjoff is leader in my stead, as is Vilkas. And the holds have other Thanes. And there hasn't been a dragon sighting in a week. Besides I like to read. And I'm sure Urag knows where exactly the books we need are." I explain diplomatically. "Fine. Have it your way. But this is how you keep getting overburdened by tasks. Learn to say no." She says. "Last time I said no, I ended up destroying the Brotherhood and killing a lot of people." I reminded her.

"To which I say they brought it on themselves, not because they are assassins but because they gave you no choice. Had you not, you would still be hunted and having to defend yourself and others constantly." She points out.

"Alright. Alright. I got it. But you did remind me of something. Perhaps, instead of trying to do it all by myself, maybe I can delegate to others. Some of these jobs, The Companions would do, some the Thieves guild. I could also hire people to do." I said. "There you go, put those assets to use. I know a couple of mercenaries for hire. Good warriors all of them." She suggests.

"Fellglow Keep. That's where he took them?" Urag nods. "Okay we'll head out shortly." I tell him. "Okay. I don't mind retrieving the books now. At least I get to fight." She says. "See silver lining. Not to mention what we might find. I could get another shout to use against Alduin and we might become richer and stronger with what we find." I tell her.

"First how about we sell some things first. I'm not sure I can carry much more and neither can you." I feel the weight on my back. "I see your point. But I need to stash some things first." We head up to my room and I put things away that either I may need later. Alright to town. We went to three shops and could only sell half of what we had. "It is still a lot to carry." She comments.

I look at my map. "Well, there are villages near Fellglow Keep. And I think there may be merchants along the road." I point out. "And these dragon claws. You know they are worth something. You should sell them." She says.

"Whiterun is near. We'll stop there and store them in my room at Jorrvaskr. Maybe check on Aela and Rayya and the others. Don't give me that look Iona. I'm collecting the dragon claws. Except the gold one. I left it with the Riverwood Trader owner. It's an heirloom for his family." I tell her she snorts and rolls her eyes. "Keep it up and you get to stay in Whiterun." She grumbles a bit, but settles her irritation.

I knock on the door to Breezehome, and a semi dressed Aela answers the door. "What!? I am busy!" She growls out. I remove my hood. Her mood shifts to a happy one. She pulls me into a rather tight embrace. She reeks of sex and Rayya. I scrunch my nose when I escape her grasp. "Rayya's in heat. She agreed to become like me." She says grinning.

"AELA! COME ON. I AM BURNING UP HERE!" I hear Rayya shout from the room on top of the stairs. "It's the last day of her heat." Aela says longingly. "Ugh. Just go. I'll be here for two days. At Jorrvaskr." I said. "You can stay here…tomorrow night." She says. "Umm…no. I'll be at Jorrvaskr. I have Harbinger duties to attend to." She nods. "See you tomorrow afternoon then." I nod and leave the house with the door slamming behind me.

"When are you in heat?" Iona asks. "A month I think. I don't really keep track of it." I reply. "Will you be like them?" She asks a little worried. "Yes. No I will not attack you. I'll go to a brothel. It's what I usually do. I haven't found a mate yet, so usually I'm at a brothel for a few days." I reply. "And are you that rough? I saw all those scratch marks." She asks, now feeling g pity for the brothel people I bed.

"It depends. Sometimes yes, other times no. I pay double when I'm not rough, triple if I feel the need to be rough and then I always heal what I can and give them strong healing potions." I reply. "However, during my heats, I suggest you not be near me, at least until it's over. My mind and hands are not always in my control." I warn her. "Noted." She says slightly relieved.

I am greeted with the usual raucous of cheers and now hugs. "Harbinger, you return to us. We are joyous to see you for however long. So, what brings you here?" Vilkas says. "I wanted to check in with everyone. Stash some things. How are you and your brother Farkas faring?" I ask. "We are well. But jobs are lacking. Some of the others are feeling restless." He says.

"I may have a solution. How well do you know the others' strengths and weaknesses?" I ask. "As well as my own." He replies. "Excellent. I need all the help I can get. As my trusted friend and Housecarl here." I point to Iona. He seems immediately taken with as she does him. _"Interesting."_ I think to myself.

"Iona. Says I have taken on more jobs than I can manage. I would like to hand some over to the Companions to see done, in my stead." I notice neither is paying attention much. "Vilkas." I said grabbing his attention. "Hmmm…umm…yes we can help. Let us see your job list." He says a slight blush gracing his manly features. I hide my smile, and another wicked idea takes hold.

"Half of these jobs, we have none the skill for. Stealth, usually is not something we Companions do much." He replies a couple of hours later. "Its alright I have others in mind for those." I reply. It looks like I needed to go to Riften soon. We sit down for a meal. Iona off selling what items she could. We were just trading stories when Farkas taps me on the shoulders.

"Harbinger. May I speak to you privately?" he asks. "Of course, Farkas. Vilkas would you excuse us a moment. Why not seek out Iona. Take her to Eorlund. She could use new set of armor and weapons. Hers are a bit worn now. Tell him it is ok to give her whatever she asks for, have him send me the bill. I will pay for it." I tell him. "As you say Harbinger." He nods at Farkas and they trade seats.

"How may I help you Farkas?" I ask. "I have been thinking. I would like to go to Sovngarde as well." He says. "You wish to be cured of Lycanthropy?" I ask in confirmation. "Yes Harbinger. Rhea I would like you to come with me." He says. "Very well. We'll need to stop on the way. I need to do something for the College in Winterhold." I tell him.

"You joined the College?" he asks. "It was a necessity at first, needed to learn some stronger spells, especially in restoration. But I don't know. They've grown on me. I still mostly use blades and bows, but who truly knows what Alduin is capable of. I'd rather be prepared." I tell him. "It makes sense. Even to a blockhead like me." He grins as do I.

We finish our meal together, and I join the others in a bit of drinking and revelry. I head to my bed, Iona a silent shadow behind me. I get into bed and wordlessly she follows. She is staring at the ceiling her face and eyes a myriad of thought. I listen to her heartbeat.

It beats a little fast as if she is anxious. "Iona?" I ask "Hmm…?" she responds. "You know how I said I might leave you in Whiterun." Her heart races faster. "Did Vilkas take you to see Eorlund?" I ask. "He did thank you for the new armor and weapons by the way. He said it will take at least six weeks doing it off measurements alone." She said. "And if you stayed?" her heart beats faster. "Half the time." She replies. "Ok. Well, why don't you stay here for the time being. You can stay here or stay with Aela. I'm sure she won't mind." Panicky heartbeats assault my ears. "I cannot in good conscious let you go by yourself." She says. "I won't be, Farkas has a personal favor he asked of me. I told him I would help him. It's not far from the College and he has agreed to help me with my task. You can stay here, if you wanted to." I tell her.

"I will stay. At least until you return again." Her heartbeat calms and slows down. "And don't sell my dragon claws while I'm away either." I tell her she chuckles. Her breath evens out and her heartbeat steadies until it slowly ebbs as she falls asleep. I smile. _"Well, that worked out well."_ Soon I too fall asleep.

I seek out Vilkas in the morning. "So, you are going with Farkas to Ysgramor's tomb?" he asks when I finally find him outside at one of the tables in the practice yard. "Are you ok, with his decision?" I ask. "Farkas is a grown man. He makes his own decisions. But yes, I am ok with it. I too have been thinking on it. I have yet to come to a decision. And you?" He asks. "I am still considering it as well. So, it will just be for Farkas." I reply. He nods.

"Vilkas? I have a favor to ask of you." I venture forward into why I wanted to find him in the first place. "By all means." He says. "As you remember, Iona has armor in the works. I have asked her to remain here until it is finished and I return. Would you mind keeping her company and keeping an eye on her?" I ask.

"Not at all. I find I rather enjoy her company. She brings the wolf in me peace. I find it easier to enjoy my surroundings without constantly feeling the need to hunt." He replies. "Excellent. You have my thanks. She expressed a desire to reside in my room for the remainder of her stay here. I give her permission; in case anyone wants to argue the propriety of that." I said.

"I will remember Rhea and look after her." He says. I rise from the chair. "Now, how about a sparring session for all times sake. I'd like to work on my hand to hand combat." He chuckles and removes his sword and we remove our armor. He has no shirt on and his pants. I'm in my tunic. "You ready whelp?" He asks teasingly. "Bring it on old man." He chuckles and we launch at each other.

Aela and Rayya showed up just before we knocked it off for the day. Both of us slick with sweat and the sun reflecting off our skin. "If you two alphas are quite finished, we have some business to attend to with the Harbinger." Aela shouted. "Don't be jealous, had you been here this morning, I would have sparred you." I reply walking up to her.

"I am not jealous in the least, I had my own enjoyable sparring match this morning." She says smirking. The scratch marks had even claimed her neck close to ears. I put my hands on either side and heal them. "Rayya, you should be more careful, infections run rampant these days." I say to her teasingly. "Why would you do such a thing, now I have to remark her…oh. My clever little one." I smile at her again. "Now what was the business we needed to have?" I asked them.

"It is our understanding that you are leaving Iona here and going off alone. You know we can't abide by this. Little one." Rayya says. I point them to Iona and flirting subtlety and talking. "When they met, neither could speak. And Vilkas says she calms his wolf. I want to give them a chance to mate, and not just sex. And when I leave, Farkas is coming with me. He asked a personal favor. He never does that. Are you two feeling cooped up?" I ask.

"A little." They both said. "Well I did just bring the Companions several jobs. I could also use a favor for myself." I tell them. "What is your favor?" Aela asks. "I have not been to Lakeview in a long time. If you two could check on the place, get rid of any squatters. I would really appreciate it. Also, Rayya remember the Dragon Claws I've been collecting. I have quite a few, I would really appreciate them being brought to Lakeview and put in storage." I said. "That is two favors." Aela says. Smiles then adds. "But I do not mind doing it. If memory serves correctly there is a lot of woods nearby and a lot of game." I nod. "I'm good with that." Rayya says.

Arrangements made, items given, dawn on the third day we left. Fellglow Keep was a nightmare, but we managed to make it through with only minor injuries. We stopped at the College. Well, I did Farkas stayed in the village and then after returning the books, I was given another task. Then, we headed to Ysgramor's tomb. The wolf spirit that had been separated from Farkas, was wild and a little challenging. Mostly because it just kept coming until finally we defeated it. "Where next, it's only been a week?" He asks.


	4. Colleges and Thane of Many Holds

"Well, you did want us to take our time, for your brother's sake." I tell Farkas as he stares at the building in front of us. "True. But come on Rhea the Bard's College. How would that help you against Alduin?" He asks. "It probably won't, but you know me I love learning. And I wouldn't mind a hobby. Besides, I didn't say you had to join. Only that I wished you to come with me. You can think of it as being my escort and protection." I said with a smile.

"Well, I do owe you for Ysgramor's." He said. I shake my head. You don't owe me anything for that. That's what families and friends do for each other." I reply. "But I feel like I should do something in return." He says. "No you don't, but if you feel that way, when the time is right and I'm ready, come with me to Ysgramor's tomb." I said.

"You want to give up your wolf too, I thought you thought on lines of Aela." He said. "Nope. I just feel the time isn't right as of yet. I tend to go with my instincts." I said. "Smart move. But I'll go with you then, as I will now, but as your family and friend, I will show some support and keep you safe. Not that you can't take care of yourself." He says. "I know. I'm not invincible, it will be good to have you at my back." I reply.

"I can't believe it, an initiate task, for a college of storytellers." Farkas complains. I shrug. "I am actually sort of used to it. Every time, I inquire about how to join or what not, there is always a task first. Ah. According to the map Dead Man's Respite is coming up. Dead Man's respite, seriously you Nord's love your ominous sounding names." I grumbled listing some off. "Are you actually complaining, the world must be ending." He says teasingly.

"I'm allowed. Everyone else does." I grumble again. He lets out a belly roaring laugh. I start laughing too. I laugh so hard it hurts and hold up my hand saying wait I need a break. "It is so good to hear you laugh like that again. After Lydia…" he says nervously.

"I know Farkas. I didn't think I would ever be able to laugh like that again. But time heals all things. I will never forget her, I will always miss her, and part of me will always love her. But she wouldn't want me to keep on dwelling on what I have lost." I told him. He wrapped me up in a bear hug that was all him and almost as strong as when he was a werewolf.

"I suppose we follow the ghost." I said as we proceeded to do so. "I'm used to ghosts attacking. This feels very strange. I keep thinking he will lead us into a trap and turn on us." Farkas. "Right there with you shield brother." I reply, but still we follow him. Corridor after corridor we follow him to the very last room. Where we come up against Olaf the one eyes kings spirit. We aid the ghost we followed in defeating him. Farkas and I lean against the wall afterwards.

"Getting slow there, old man, aren't we?" I ask teasing him. "I could say the same to you to whelp." He says we chuckle as I heal him with the restoration I had mastered so far. He hands me a magicka potion so I could heal the nasty gash on my thigh. Once healed we return to Solitude and the bards college. After the meeting with Elsif the fair, and she really was fair, even my wolf wanted her.

"So, Bard, Guild master, Harbinger, you are gathering many titles my friend." He observes. I chuckle. "It's not like I plan these things Farkas, they just sort of happen." I tell him. "I know. So you are really going to bring the late high kings helmet to that shrine of Talos?" he asks. "I find it hard to deny a beautiful woman anything." I tell him. He laughs.

We were camping several miles from Solitude, when I felt the need come on, and strong. But not overwhelming yet. "Farkas. Farkas. Wake up." I said. "What is it Rhea?" he asks. "My heat, it's upon me. I need to get to a brothel, before I lose control." I tell him. "Ok. But I can help too." He said. I arch an eyebrow. "I've never been with a man before. Lydia was my first lover ever." I said.

"I will be gentle. I promise." He said. "I don't know, I'm scared." I admitted. "Come here Rhea." I do and he wraps his arms around me. "I am not going to force you. Not at all. I know you prefer females. I'm just saying, I am here if the need arises. But let's finish resting and head back to Solitude." He says and lets me up.

By that night, we were just outside the city near the stables. I grabbed Farkas and pulled him into an abandoned cabin. I started pulling at his clothes. He grabs my hands. "Are you sure?" My eyes meet his, the beast begins to cloud my eyes. He nods and removes my clothes. "Too slow." I say and rip the rest of my clothes and his off.

The passion begins to burn brighter. I bend over the table. He presses the head of his manhood in. It seems agonizingly slow. I try to push back, he stops me and pushes in further, I feel like I'm burning as he stretches me. Finally, I feel him all the way inside. He moves, slowly at first, but my wolf wants more. "Harder Farkas, please go faster." He nods and then I feel the pounding increase, hard, fast strokes my midsection hitting the table painfully, but that serves to only inflame my passion.

I push into him as he thrusts. But still it's not enough. He places his teeth on my shoulder and thrusts even harder. "Talos! Yes! Farkas keep fucking me like that!" I moan. He redoubles his effort and I feel is teeth pierce skin, and my body explodes in orgasm, I feel him pull out quickly and then hot liquid on my back.

He is breathing heavy and grabs a cloth to wipe me off. I'm just laying half on the table, my legs shaking and my sex pulsing and pleasantly sore. "It's one of those heats then. Submissive but wild. Your wolf is lonely and wants a mate. It is happening sooner than usual." He replies pulling up his pants.

I hurt and walking is hard, he helps me sit in the chair. "Why do you say that?" I ask. "Usually, it takes at least five years. It's been little more than a year and half for you." He said. "I think the wolf feels what it was like to have mate through me. Have any werewolves been married or were married before becoming a werewolf?" I ask. "Not that I remember." He replies.

"That might be why then. When the wolves want a mate, do you have to find one?" I ask. "You don't do anything. The wolf recognizes the mate and leads you to them. And no we did not become mated." He says answering my next question. "Does that make me not an alpha. I never understood the whole Alpha thing?" I asked.

"Depends really, all your other heats, submissive or dominant?" he asks. "Dominant." I reply. "Aela was much the same way. Skjor said she was always that way with him." He says. "Really, she was pretty submissive with me." I said. Then my eyes widened. "Then a couple of months later she married Rayya. That was her wolf telling it was ready for a mate." I said.

"Neither Vilkas and I were dominant, but when our wolves told us it wanted a mate, we became very dominant. So that would make you an Alpha, like Aela." He explained. "But I'm not ready for that again. It's only been 20 months since Lydia died." I said. "The wolf and human in you are not always in agreement, it's a constant war within. That is part of the reason, I no longer wanted to be a werewolf. I was so tired of the constant battle." He explained.

He helped me stand and I got dressed as we continued to talk. "You don't have to look for a mate. My wolf had been wanting a mate for years, but I never found one. But still after the wolf in me was gone, I must admit, I still long for what you and Lydia had. The downside is now without the wolf I have to actually look. I'm not very good at love stuff." He admits.

"Neither am I. That was all Lydia's doing. You don't have to look. It will happen when it happens. That's how it was with Lydia." I told him. "That does make me relax a little more. But I kind of hope it happens soon." He says. "I'm sure it will, just travel more, don't stay at Whiterun all the time. Or just leave on Companion business. You have to get out there for the chance of finding your mate to happen." I told him.

We left the building, my heat still there but tempered for now. It was dawn when we walked into the city. We went straight to the inn and just sat there breaking our fast and wondering how Vilkas and Iona were doing. I had sent a message to the Blue Palace. Midday I got a response and a meeting time with Elsif.

She thanked me for seeing to her request and helping her people. My reward, yep you guessed it Thane of Solitude. "I assign, you Jordis the Swordmaiden as your personal housecarl, I have also instructed my Steward to allow you to purchase property." She said. _"Farkas, is never going to let this go."_ I told myself.

On first glance Jordis looked to be a very stern woman. I would not even consider if she had any fighting skill, in my time since becoming Thane of Whiterun, I had learned that Houscarls are fierce, skilled, and deadly warriors.

Also, that they are just as fierce, loyal and loving friends. And if one was ever lucky enough to gain favor with one of them, they will love you like no other. I smiled at the memory of one of Lydia's many acts of love. This one had just been after we just confessed our love.

I had been further injured on our way back after we fought the Dragon Priest. Neither of us were completely ok, but I saw a dragon fly over us. She had gotten angry, because as hurt as I was I still met the dragon in battle. She had taken me directly to the temple for healing.

" _She stayed by me much to the priest's chagrin. 'Lydia you need to leave, you keep getting in our way. We can't get her fixed up, with you fussing as you are.' He had said. 'I am not leaving her side, she is to be wife and I will not be moved. Work around me.' She had growled at them." So,very fierce." I had thought._

 _I touched her arm and stroked her deliciously warm skin with my fingertips she had shivered and I could have sworn I heard a low moan. 'Peace love, I am in good hands. Besides I need you to report to the Jarl for us and get the keys to Breezehome. I finally had enough to buy it for us. They said it should be ready today.' She kissed me._

' _As you will my Thane.' I shook my head and touched her cheek. 'Your love, your wife.' She kissed me harder then. 'I will return as soon as I can my love.' I didn't get to see her again, she had been tasked with something for the Jarl and had to leave suddenly. It was Irlith who informed me and from what I could tell, my soon to be wife had made her displeasure known, adamantly."_

" _Once I had recovered and left the temple, a hold citizen had asked my help to recover a family heirloom, that had been stolen, when he was at the temple with his wife and newly born son. Of course I had agreed, but Lydia hadn't gotten back yet. The house was ready for her return. She'd probably get mad for not sending her a message, but I wouldn't put any messenger at risk with that task. So I just left her a note at the house._

 _When I returned weeks later several guards had black eyes. 'What happened? Why are you guys so banged up?' I had asked. 'Oh thank the gods, you have returned, and you are unharmed.' He said. 'Umm…yes. But that doesn't answer my question. What happened?' I saw the guard stiffen. 'RHEA!' She had yelled my name._

 _I tensed, she sounded furious. 'Good luck. I'll let the hall of the dead know that we will need a Breton sized coffin.' He said and I got the feeling he was not jesting. I gulped and walk towards my furious Nord. 'Inside. Now. I have words for you.' I was frozen to the spot, her glare got me moving like a child scared of her parents."_

" _The mood changed drastically once I was in our house. 'Strip. Now.' She orders. 'I thought we agreed to wait until after we were married…' She arched her eyebrow. Her eyes stern and resolute. 'Last time, I ask. Either strip or be stripped.' My heart was racing, and I was so nervous and my fingers would not stop shaking. 'For the love of Mara!' she exclaimed. She pushed my hands away and my armor and clothing never came off so fast as it did in her expert hands._

 _She didn't make a move to take me, she just touched me here and there, as if checking for injuries. I relaxed noticeably when I realized she just wanted to make sure I was ok. 'Now that I know you are unharmed.' She grabbed my hand and led me to a tub full of hot water, a tub big enough for two to sit conformably. Her clothes came off just as fast if not faster. She got in and held her hand out to me. I took it and she gently pulled me in._

' _You must be cold and sore. It's been colder lately.' I nod and relax into her front. I felt my blush creep up at feeling her body against mine in such an intimate and erotic manner. 'Why didn't you send me a message. I didn't get your note until night was upon me._

 _I was worried and scared about and for you.' She embraced me tighter. Her nose buried in the crook of my neck. 'I saw Irilith, and didn't want to risk whatever poor messenger was sent to you.' She chuckles. 'You could have left it with Aela.' I place my arms over hers._

' _I considered it, but I didn't know if she would be on a hunt or something. I'm sorry I worried you.' She kisses my neck. 'Lydia, what happened to the guards, was Whiterun attacked in my absence?' I ask. She is silent and I feel her head turn away as if in embarrassment and shame. 'Lydia, you didn't.' she sighs._

' _I did. When I got back and you weren't here I asked the guards first, I kind of lost it when no one seemed to know where you were.' I turned to face her straddling her thighs, I could feel her tuft of the hair on her sex against mine. 'My lovely Lydia, you do remember that no one ever asks where the Dragonborn is going. I wish they would though.'_

 _She grips me tighter, I didn't remember until afterwards.' I kiss her lips. 'Well we are both home now. But we need to finish our bath and get redressed. We leave in a couple of hours.' I said. 'Where are we going?' she asks. I grin and kiss her neck. She moans and shudders in pleasure. 'To Riften.' I kiss the other side of her neck with the same results as before. 'Temple of Mara.' I kiss her lips again nipping her lower lip._

' _Don't forget the wedding dress you have stashed in your trunk. Can't have a bride without her dress now can we?' We almost forswore our vow to wait until after the wedding that night and all the way to Riften.'_ "My Thane are you well, you seem a bit flushed. Shall we go to the Temple and have you looked at?" Jordis asks me.

"No I am fine. Just got lost in a pleasant memory." I said. I went ahead and bought the house in Solitude. I seemed to be collecting more than just those dragon claws. 4 holds, 4 houses, 3 Housecarls. "Are you remembering some great conquest?" she asked. I smiled. "The greatest of all. The conquest of my heart." I said. "You are married then?" She asked.

" _Did she just seem disappointed in that?"_ I wondered. "Widowed actually. She is in Sovngarde now." I tell her. "I am grieved for your loss." She said, and I know she meant it. _"Was that a twinkle of hope in her eyes. My wolf doesn't seem to care or have interest in her. So she must not be my mate."_ I sighed in relief. "Would like to talk about her?" She asks.

"Sure, when we get to the house. We can talk while we clean up." I told her. Proudspire Manor seemed to need little cleaning. So we cleaned it rather quickly and I began unpacking things I had collected but had no need for at this time. "I was going to wait for you to tell me, but I think you may have forgotten." She says.

"Tell you? Oh! Right I'm sorry I did forget. I was going to tell you about my late wife." I said she nods. I gesture for her to sit on the bed. "Lydia, she was my first housecarl, my first friend, my first kiss, she was my first everything. She was Nord like you. Strong, tall, beautiful, gentle, and deadly." From there I just told her the whole story of us. And she sat and listened and I could slowly sense that she was feeling inadequate.

"Lydia, was special to me, and she always will be. You never forget your first." I said, not sure if I was helping her or making it worse. "I would not know. I have never…been in love or anything else. I just turned 25. Gods 25 and never so much as kissed anyone." She says and now I feel slightly bad. "I am 19. And there is nothing wrong with being 25 and never being kissed." I said. "There isn't?" She asked.

"No, my friend Rayya was your age when she met her late wife. She is 37 now and just got married again. To my shield sister Aela. She just reached 28. And my other friend and housecarl from Riften is 27, she has never either, but now she is falling in love for the first time. We find love in Mara's time not our own. Basically, I am saying, don't be ashamed of being a virgin. It takes as long as it takes, but I bet when you do cross paths with your future mate, it will be so amazing and perfect for you. Because they will be your true mate." I said.

"Like Lydia was for you." She says. "I'm not sure she was, my true mate, but I loved her with everything I had." I said. "What makes you say that?" She asks, and there was that glimmer of hope again. "It'll take some explaining." I said. "I'll open another barrel and make us something to eat." She says. There is a knock on the door. "I'll get it!" I reply. I have my hidden blade at the ready.

"I have a message for Rhea, the Dragonborn. Is she here?" the child messenger asks. "I am she." I reply. He hands me the message; I over tip him as I usually do when messengers are children. He nods his head and heads out. I start opening the letter. "You can put down the crossbow Jordis, the boy has gone home. I said, not even looking at her. "How did you know?" she asks.

"I do have 3 Housecarls including you and they all do that. Rayya was the worst. She stood next to me pointing her crossbow at whatever messenger was sent and followed them out the door and watched them leave. She is worse than a Dragon protecting its treasure and a lioness protecting her cubs combined." I said still not looking up.

" _Farkas needs to work on his penmanship."_ I thought. "This Rayya, treats you, the Dragonborn, as a child?" She asks. "In her eyes I am a child, and her child at that. I don't mind. My mother died when I was an infant. My father died when I was 17, that's when I had to come to Skyrim. I was to meet up with a family friend, a Khajiit named Drogo. He was supposed to be in Riverwood, but when I got there I had found out he had been killed by a sabretooth cat pack. So, I went to Falkreath." I said sitting down.

"After Falkreath I was going to head to Whiterun, but I had heard there was job I could do to get me the coins I needed to get there. That's when I first met Rayya. I was surrounded by a pack of wolves, I was doing well, but there were so many. Rayya jumped into the fray and killed most of them. I was bleeding from a wolf bite on my thigh. She set up a tent. She seemed really agitated but she was gentle with me as she cleaned, sewed and bandaged my wounds." The fond memory surfacing.

"She said 'What kind of parent let's their child run around the wilderness by herself. How old are you, 13 maybe 14 years?' She asked me. I told her I was seventeen and my parents had died and the person who was supposed to take care of me until I could take care of myself died to. 'So, you have no one?' she asked me. I nodded that she was correct. 'Tomorrow you come home with me to Falkreath. I will look after you. What is your name?' she asked. And that's where it started, she essentially became my mother." I told Jordis.

"You've been staring at this message a long time. This may sound insensitive, but do you know how to read?" she says. I chuckle. "I do. But it is hard to read the handwriting. He needs to work on that." I said. "Who is he?" she asks. _"And now there is jealousy."_ I thought.

"My shield brother Farkas. He went to go look into something for me. A wedding gift for his brother and his future sister-in-law. I had that meeting with Queen Elsif." I said. I sigh frustrated and hand her the letter. "Maybe you can decipher it?" she looks at it and begins reading aloud to my shock she can read it.

" _Rhea,_

 _I think I have found the perfect gift for Vilkas and Iona, but I heard a rumor of a pack of wolves roaming around and went to look into it. I hope your heat isn't too much right now. I remember how tough this heat could be. The heat when you need to find your mate, is extremely taxing. Anyways, I got the gift and I took it with me to Wolf's Skull cave. It is down that mountain where the Thalmor embassy is. I hope I don't have to deal with them. Meet me there as soon as your done collecting another hold and house. I figured they'd probably make you a Thane. See you when you get here Harbinger." Your shield brother Farkas."_

"Your heat?" she asks. "This is part of the story about Lydia not being my true mate. Let us sit and eat and I'll explain it to you as best as I can." I said. She serves us and then sits next to me. "After Lydia passed and I went home to Rayya, I decided to take the Companions of Whiterun's offer to join. During my initiation trials, I had become a werewolf. And like most animals, we have heats. Times when we must seek out umm… physical pleasure, umm, sex. Usually after about five years as a werewolf the need to find your true mate comes upon you." I take a sip of mead.

"Basically, your wolf seeks out their match. Mine was very early, because I had, had a mate already. From what Farkas explained had my true mate passed on, I would feel a need for intense solitude and mourning. But because, my sexual desire increased substantially, and I want to be the opposite of how my wolf was, submissive, not dominant, my true mate still existed." Another sip of mead. "

And he knows these things because up until a month ago he was a werewolf." I further explained things to her. "So why not cure yourself too?" she asked. "It's not time for that, yet. Something tells me to keep holding on to my wolf now." I explained. "Very well. We should retire for the evening. Unless, you got something else in mind?" She asks coyly.

"You mean do I want to have sex?" I ask. "I don't know. Farkas said this heat was taxing. Maybe I can help?" She asks. "You are propositioning me." I said. "Maybe. Do you not find me desirable?" she asks. "Oh gods." I said. "Oh gods good or oh gods bad?" she asks I can hear the hurt in her voice. "Jordis, you a very beautiful, and I would love to make love to you, but I just have this feeling that I shouldn't. Like it would be a violation of trust." I hug her.

"My human body would, but my wolf tells me to stay away. You belong to, or with someone who is or will be dear to me." I touch her shoulder and wipe away her tears. "I also feel like I may have violated your trust already. I don't know why, and I can't shake it." I admit to her. I hold her in my arms, though the wolf does not like it. _"Leave it be. She needs comfort. It's your fault her feelings were hurt."_ I silently chastise my wolf.

I hear like a whining inside, but he subsides. I had learned that my wolf was indeed male. A glimpse of memory of two werewolves mating comes to mind. I still could not believe Aela didn't tell me that could happen. She just shrugged and said. "I didn't know."

We met Farkas just outside of the cave. And I realized why I felt as I did towards Jordis. She was Farkas's mate. And then I felt the betrayal in being bedded by Farkas now. I needed to distance myself from them. As soon as we were finished here, I would leave and finish my tasks for the College.

And of course, my plans were changed a bit, Vilkas finally got a message to us and said he wanted to marry Iona as a man and not a beast. I agreed to meet him at the tomb. And of course Farkas wanted to be there for his brother and Jordis wanted to be with Farkas. We met Vilkas in a week and right off the bat the brothers walked away.

I had felt her anger and disappointed mood for the past few days. "Jordis. Are you going to just glare angrily at me forever or would you like to speak of why you are staring daggers at the back of my head?" I ask. "You love Farkas, and not just as a friend or shield brother." She said. I spit out my mead. "What! No I don't! Where is this coming from?" I asked.

"Farkas told me you two mated." She said. "We coupled not mated. I was in heat and the wolf in me threatened to take over. I needed release or I would lose control of him." I said. "Him? Don't you mean her? You are a woman right?" She asked. "Yes, Jordis. I am female, but my wolf is not. It is rare, but on occasion what you are in human form is not what you are in wolf form. When that happens the werewolf and human are at odds even more so then the ones whose wolves match their man." I said.

"Why Farkas? Why him?" she asks sulking. Farkas puts his arms around her. "Because my love, had I not, and she lost control of the wolf many people would have died. And many maidens would have been ripped in two. The wolf in the mating heat loses all control. But my sweet Jordis, you are the only one for me." He turns her to him. And her eyes widen. "An amulet of Mara." She said. "Will you be at mine and Vilkas's wedding Rhea?" He asks. "Of course I will. I wouldn't miss it." I replied.

The next two months was way too much on my wolf and my own heart. The loneliness and need for a mate became overwhelming. Vilkas and Iona. Farkas and Jordis. And as usual Rayya and Aela, I was happy for them, but just all the hormones and love, was just too much. I needed to be on my own, all those couplings from all the rooms in Lakeview, was brutal to my ears and my own needs, their passion kept throwing me into heats.

I had to leave again. I wished I hadn't suggested they all come here to celebrate my 20th birthday, ok not exactly, but I didn't expect it to play out like this. I waited for the symphonies of love making to reach its crescendo and snuck out. I saddled Lydia's horse, that I had finally been able to bring home. And clucked quietly, the cold air already easing my desires that my hands could not fully sate. _"Time to get back on track. Eye of Magnus here I come."_ I told myself.

My quest for the Eye of Magnus lead me to every hold, and in every hold I left a Thane and yet another house that would never be my home. But I did love the Housecarls I was assigned. And I had learned that not all Houscarls were just warriors, one was a sorcerer. Each housecarl traveled with me to the next hold, each stood by me as I was in battle. The dragons had increased, I was running out of time and each housecarl seemed to find their mates.

Argis and Gregor, Calder and Valdimar and I felt like everyone was moving on while I stood still. My wolf howled inside of me with loneliness and the woman on the outside rarely spent a night not weeping with him. I found myself running away from every house every loving couple, which landed me here, back at Winterhold College, alone and now the Arch Mage of the college.

I found physical comfort in the Altmer, Faralda. She knew what it was between us and she made no fuss, marriage was not on her mind. But my mind was constantly on wanting to find my mate. "You are thinking too much again Rhea. You are not paying attention to the task at hand." She said. The task at hand being licking her pleasure button and sinking my fingers into her sex.

"I'm sorry. Faralda, I will try harder." I said as I licked her clit again she shuddered. I felt her hand in my hair. "My dear Rhea, while you have been lost in thought, I have had six orgasms. My body can take no more. At this time. Come lay in my arms and speak with me." She said. I crawled up and wiped the wetness off my face.

"It is just, I have been all over Skyrim found and learned every shout that I have been able to find, and yet I do not feel it is enough to defeat Alduin. I'm at an impasse." I said. "You have also, stopped the civil war, defeated Ulfric Stormcloak, become a Thane to every known hold, seen friends and family be married, while others are reunited, became leader of three factions, removed one, and been married." You have achieved much more than most 20 year olds. But that is not what is on your mind the most. Your wolf still longs to find his mate and the woman on the outside longs for the same now." I nod as I lay on her chest. "I am sorry, that I cannot be what you long for. If I could I would, but though your wolf enjoys me as you do, you do not feel the pull on your heart and soul." She said. "I wish that too." I tell her and I mean it.

"Rhea, you will not find the answers you seek if you just hide in the tower. Go back out into the world. I hear the Dawnguard is reforming to combat the growing vampire threat. Try something new. As far as Alduin, go back and speak with the Blades, maybe they have a new lead. You can't just ignore them forever." She says stroking my hair which had gotten almost annoyingly too long. "Yes I can. Delphine can suck my werewolf cock." I said pouting. "Little love, you cannot blame one for what another did. You cannot blame Delphine for your wife dying." She said.

"I don't blame her. I blame the vampire that killed her and he's already dead, Aela saw to that. I just don't like her. I get a bad feeling from her. I don't trust her she is up to something." I tell her turning her over. She gets an all fours, "Then should you not find out and stop her?" she asks. I begin licking her folds.

"Perhaps, but I don't know." I said. She moans as I thrust three fingers into her sex. "Ahhh, more." I thrust faster. "You…can't keep… oh yes…just like that… ahhh. Hiding or running from those memories either… oh gods…please Rhea. I am so ready, please fuck me with it." I wait till she comes again. The wolf takes over, licks her slit and I feel myself harden and enter her.

The beast does what it wishes not harming her as I continue to think on her words. _"She does have a point. I have both been to secluded in my tower and avoiding that place too long. And I am out of leads."_ I divide my attention between my thoughts and making sure my wolf doesn't get too carried away. Over the months, I've been letting him out and roam more, it was as Aela said we worked with each other now, more so then against.

I had managed to mostly separate my human mind from my wolf mind at times even during the heats. I feel the wolf nearing his release. I had to put all my attention on him now lest he bite her too hard. I feel his need to bite down harder. _"No. Ease up. There you go."_ I feel his release and his satiated desires. He retreats, I return to a panting Faralda. I heal her bite mark. "I see your points Faralda. I will leave by dawn on the second day." She curls up next to me and I embrace her.

"I cannot go with you. You know." She says. "I know. You need to be here, helping Colette in my stead. I will be ok I have learned much these few months here." She kisses me. "I know, and please go and see your mothers, before they come bull rushing in. You have been ignoring their letters too much." I smile and nod.

It was still weird for me, the fact that my former lover was akin to my stepmother now. They had given Breezehome to Vilkas for a wedding present. I had given Farkas Honeyside in Riften. I had pretty much passed the mantle of Harbinger to Vilkas. And Farkas just loved Riften and Jordis. And Jordis just loved Farkas.

I had made Proudspire Manor into an orphanage, under Elsif and her courts care. That was the reward I had asked for, when I ended the Civil War. The same with my house and Makarth and my house in Windhelm. There were many orphan's from the war. Each one looked after by a kind and loving headmistress, I made sure of that.

The homesteads were occupied by my faithful Housecarls and their spouses. Aela and Rayya remaining at Lakeview, the place suited both of them and their wolves' desires. Argis and Gregor at the white hall, my homestead near Dawnstar. Calder and Valdimar at my homestead High Moon hall in the Hjaalmarch. I stabled the steed, I had to purchase when the one that used to belong to Lydia had gotten killed by a dragon on the way here. That horse was a great horse, but every bit as gung ho as its previous owner.

I inhaled deeply, and was pleased to not smell sex everywhere. I opened the door, and went through the entrance hall and through the main doors. "I'm back!" I shouted just in case they may have been about to mate. Aela came from the kitchen, an apron on and a large belly. "Rhea? Oh by Hircine! Rayya! Rayya! Come down here our baby is home." I backed up, suddenly worried I had either died or I was dreaming.

"Rayya! Get your ass down here now, or I swear by Hircine I will burn all your food and poison your wine!" She yelled again, it was kind of Aela, but not. I was still a bit worried. This place smelled the same, Aela smelled almost the same. Rayya's scent was the same.

"I heard you woman! It's not like I can rush when I'm answering the call of nature." She embraces me and it feels so good. Nothing beats the comfort of a mother's embrace, well, unless it the comfort of a lover's embrace. "Finally decided to come back huh?" I am stiff still, and very worried as I watched Aela rub her rounded belly and talk to it.

"Are you alright Rhea?" she asks. "That depends, am I dead or dreaming, because I see a very domesticated and very pregnant Aela." I said. "Neither. This is real life, Aela is indeed pregnant and we found out because she became very domesticated." She said. "But…but how! You are both women. I've seen you both naked, and I know from experience Aela is a woman! So how!" I shriek.

"I told you she would react like that love." Aela says. "Yes dear, you were right, no hush and let me speak to our daughter." Rayya says. I am utterly in a state of shock bordering on panic as Aela very femininely strolls over to Rayya and kisses her and giggles very girly like. "I have gone mad haven't I? Way too much time in my tower. Faralda was right." I said shaking my head.

"Who is Faralda, your new woman? Where is she?" Aela asks like an over excited mother. "Yes. Where is this woman. I should like to meet and speak with her." Rayya says as threatening and terrifying as any father of his daughter. I back up a few steps and hit the wall with my un-gauntleted hand, and it hurt like hell. "Still think you are dreaming huh?" I place my hand over my other and heal it. "Come and sit down, eat and we'll talk about it." Rayya says as she puts her arm around me and leads me to the table.

Within minutes there is a roast beef steak, baked potatoes, buttered bread and a bottle of Honeybrew mead in front of me. Slightly rarer steak is placed in front of Rayya, while Aela's looks slightly more cooked then mine.

"When Aela gave me her beast blood, she was in the mating heat, so like you, I became the male wolf. We aren't even entirely sure of how her being with child came to be. Sure we know the acts that led to it. But we didn't know it was possible, we are both female in human form. So it is possible, so I suggest you be careful when you as the wolf mount someone. But it was a blessing and so we don't over think it much." Rayya explains. "But Aela hates kids." I said. "I never once said that." Aela defends. "I just have little patience for them. I'm working on it." She says. I grin.

"What are you thinking Rhea?" Rayya asks knowing me so well. "Aela needs hand on experience with kids, I know of several orphans whom need a good home." I reply. "Any werewolf cubs?" Aela ask. I shrug. "We'll talk and consider it." Rayya says calming her over eager wife. "So. You have not responded to our letters, we do know some of what you have been up to, but tell us more." She says to me.

In between bites, I explain what I had been feeling and about who Faralda was and what she said. "I must confess, now I worry that when I see Faralda again she will be round with my child. I wish I had known of this possibility before." I admit. "Then you will do the right thing by her." Rayya says Aela nodding her agreement behind her. "But she is not my true mate. My wolf, he likes her as much as I do, but we and her know it isn't meant to be. And we have accepted that." I said.

"We aren't saying marry her, but be there for her and your child." Aela says. "I would never abandon any child, least of all mine." I tell her. "Good." Aela replies clearing off the table. "It is late Rhea, stay for the night, your room is still ready and available to you." Rayya says. I yawn and nod. I kiss her cheek and then Aela's. "Thanks for dinner mother." I tease her and she smiles.

I fill the large stone tub in the ground of the floor in my room. Using magic to heat it up further, undress and sink into the water. In all honesty the wolf and I do like the idea of Faralda or our mate full with our cub. I smiled at that. _"We need to decide where to go first? Should we check on the others first though?"_ I hear a growling in my head. _"What?"_ I ask myself. Faralda's words came back. _"Alright, alright. No more stalling we'll go to Sky Haven Temple first."_ I feel a sense of agreement from him.

As I am settling down to sleep, I hear very active sounds of love making on the floor above my head. "You have got to be kidding me, they still go at it like wolves in heat." I grumble. The wolf whines. _"Wanna go running?"_ I feel his excitement and get up. I go to the door and open it and I shiver at first, but let the wolf take over.

" _Stay away from towns. And please get me back to our mothers' home before you go to sleep."_ I feel his agreement and just let him go. I didn't know how long he had been running when something catches his sensitive nose. He wasn't hungry, merely curious. I could feel him nudge my mind. _"What is it?"_ We heard crying from a cave and smelled fear and illness. He led me there.

Further into the cave we went, and at the back we saw and heard what had caught his attention. _"By Talos, children and werewolf children at that. They are afraid, approach cautiously, then let me take over."_ The wolf approached them and sat on its haunches, then I stood. "It's ok little cubs I will not hurt you. Where are your parents?" I ask the older one a boy, is holding a smaller girl, a toddler.

"Ma and Pa were killed by the cold ones, with red eyes." He said. "Vampires?" I asked. He nods. I slowly approach another step. "Your sister she is small and getting sick, I can help her, will you let me?" I ask him. He nods. I approach only slightly faster and place my hands over her. I smile as I see her skin brighten and her breathing become easier. I sit down next to them.

"My name is Rhea." I said holding out my hand. "The Dragonborn!" he says excitedly. I smile. "The one and the same. I'm visiting my mothers for a couple of days, then I have to get back to my quest. I have been on the sidelines far too long." I hear their stomachs growl. "When did you eat last?" I asked. "Two days ago." He replies. "Can you shift?" I ask. He shakes his head.

"Hang on tightly then." I grab some strong roots that luckily were in the cave. I wrapped their ragged blanket around them and hand him the roots. "Tie this around me when I shift and keep a firm hold on her and me." He nods and I shift.

I feel their weight settle on me. "We are secure, go." He says and I do. I feel him pull my fur and it hurts but I let him. Soon enough I see the door to the house and he gets off. I shift and grab his sister, they are both so cold. I enter the main house. "Ma! Mother! I need you!" I shout they come rushing down the stairs in thankfully robes. "What is it little one?" the older cub had hidden behind me. "It's ok. They are my mothers and friends." He comes out behind me.

I untie and pull his sister little more than a toddler really off my back. Rayya rushes to us, the boy growls. "Peace little alpha. Ma is only going to help her get warmer." I order the little boy he subsides. Rayya takes the little one and I walk with the boy into the kitchen area where Aela has already begun grabbing food and setting the spit up. "Rhea, can you go and get the salted goat legs?" she asks. I hasten to obey.

Minutes later the goat is roasting and I had put on my own robe. _"Change of plans, those blood suckers almost killed them. They need to be stopped."_ I hear a growl of approval from within. _"Tomorrow we leave for the Dawnguard. Enough is Enough. They must be stopped."_ I tell myself and as soon as I had checked that both cubs were ok and slept. I explained what I had decided. "May I leave these cubs in your charge?" I ask, but I already knew the answer.

"Yes, we would be very happy and blessed to." Aela says. I was actually growing fond of this gentler Aela. And by the gods, once she was no longer pregnant, I would tease her mercilessly. My evil grin only noticed by Rayya. She smiled and nodded her approval.

I slept fitfully as usual, I would just have to pack and leave later tomorrow. To my surprise, I woke up with the little alpha Oren snuggled into my side, clutching my arm like a stuffed animal. I disentangle myself placing a stuffed animal in his arms. And head to the kitchen area, it was just an hour past dawn.

I headed up the stairs after setting a pot of water to boil. I smile as I see the little toddler in between Aela and Rayya both had a hand placed protectively on the child. She started to stir. I could not find the heart to wake my mothers up. I reached for the child, growls emanated from Rayya and Aela, then subsiding as they caught my scent better.

I picked up the little one, Oren said her name was Iren, and carried her with me back to the kitchen. She would need more clothes as would Oren. I wrapped a shirt around her and me so my hands would be free to make breakfast. I hear Oren come in and he sits.

"Will you be our mother now?" he asks. Unbelievably everything in me wants to say yes, but I know I am neither truly ready, nor will be able to be with them much. I set the bowl of hearty gruel in front of him and grab a bowl for me and Iren to share.

"I would love to, but I cannot be, not right now. I am not ready for that blessing or responsibility yet. I would never be here or wherever we would live. But, Aela and Rayya, would be better mothers for you. Is that alright?" I ask. He nods. "The food is good. I'd like it better if it was spicier though." I chuckle.

"Then they would definitely be better mothers for you two. You did a fantastic job taking care of your sister. She would not have survived even a day without you." I tell him. He turns a little red. "If you can't be our mother can you be our older sister?" I ruffle his hair. "Of course little alpha, they are my mothers too, so that makes me your sister." He smiles.

Aela comes in sleepily and reaches for Iren and a bowl of gruel. I get Oren another serving. "Your Ma wanted a few words with you before you leave dear." Aela said. "Of course Mother." I reply. "She is in the forge." Aela tells me. I kiss her head, Iren, and then Oren's on the way to the forge. "Ma?" I ask adjusting to the darkness.

"Over here little one. Making some more sconces. It's too dark still." She explains. "Mother said you wanted to speak to me." I prompted and began tanning leather. "This Dawnguard thing, from what I had heard, they do not differentiate between werewolves and vampires. Anything not human they kill without mercy. I want you to be extremely careful. I won't ask you to take anyone with you, your too grown for that now. Would I prefer it? Yes, that is as true now as ever. Don't let them make you lose your way." She says.

"I won't." I finish the leather pile and head back up the stairs, to the main floor and find my pack was already packed. I go into my room and put on my ebony armor and grab my weapons. With one more kiss to each member of my family, I leave the house and saddle up. I look back down the road and see them all waving goodbye. I wave back and cluck my steed to go. For a moment there, in that house, I almost felt home.


End file.
